I Did It My Way

Quote NY Times

2007-05-02T11:01:00.000+08:00

Turkey is like a transvestite. The spirit and the body are in conflict.

2007-04-21T13:09:00.000+08:00

been reading freud's interpretation of dreams...so to apply my knowledge

i dreamt of a waterpolo match which my chinese high friends wete playiing. facial images vivid: diyan diyang duck chub jiale ivan bai were all there. likely source of dream: memory.

the images shift and suddenly i'm in a rugby game. facial images vivid again. huge jumble. tziyang sherman yk ningyan looneh leong bob pravin lum and of course raihan with his amazing/fated kick. but the crowd was different. it wasn't the police academy. it was a huge stadium i'd say 60,000. the noise was so memorably inaudible. there were banners, flags, fans with face paint of green black and white. it was as if we had won the world cup.

likely source would probably be a meshing of two memory sources. A div 2004 + the 2006 World Cup DVD i watched yesterday.

organic stimuli: the body is reawakening

2007-04-16T21:07:00.000+08:00

t has become a tradition for Chelsea managers to coin their own nicknames. Claudio Ranieri christened himself 'the Tinkerman' and it seemed to suit the endearingly experimental Italian. With typical bravado, Jose Mourinho announced himself as 'the Special One'. Few disagreed, yet it is when tinkering that the Portuguese has often shown himself to be special.

In particular, when making substitutions. It was apparent most recently when Michael Essien's rasping drive provided the 90th-minute winner in Valencia and it was no coincidence that the Ghanaian appeared on the right; Mourinho had moved him there in the half-time reshuffle that saw the introduction of Joe Cole. Nor was it the first match changed by Essien as an auxiliary, but overlapping, right-back. Marauding forward, he scored a majestic goal against Arsenal in December after his manager had brought on Shaun Wright-Phillips in a more attack-minded midfield.
Champions League progress is attributable, too, to Mourinho. Away in Porto, when John Terry's injury compelled his early removal, Chelsea conceded to Raul Meireles. With a rapid change of thought, Mourinho responded by making Arjen Robben the replacement for his captain and the attacking intent was justified by the immediacy of Andriy Shevchenko's equaliser. In the return leg, meanwhile, the half-time addition of John Obi Mikel, at the expense of Claude Makelele, added authority to the midfield.
Few of his counterparts countenance as many early substitutions as Mourinho. Robben came on after 45 minutes in the Carling Cup final, and both the change of personnel and formation were factors in the eventual overcoming of Arsenal.
Should he win the FA Cup, Mourinho's medal will be merited for the calm he displayed in another high-pressure situation - when Tottenham took a 3-1 lead at Stamford Bridge and Chelsea appeared to be in greater disarray than at any other part in his tenure. A first-half change appeared the consequence of injuries sustained by Terry and Didier Drogba; instead, the unhurt Paulo Ferreira was withdrawn for Wright-Phillips. Then, when Ashley Cole was replaced with half an hour remaining, Chelsea were reduced to two specialist defenders. Essien, whose flexibility makes him invaluable in rapid reshuffles, became a particularly progressive left-sided defender, and Chelsea recovered to draw 3-3.
Such displays of decisiveness could yet determine the Premiership title race. The substitute Salomon Kalou's winner at Watford may have been the product of desperation as Mourinho overloaded his side with attackers with victory an imperative (their final configuration at Vicarage Road has been described as a novel 3-0-7 formation), but it showed the benefits of proactive management nonetheless.
Making substitutions with such spectacular effect is, of course, simpler when players of the ability of Robben, Wright-Phillips, Kalou and Mikel (with a combined cost approaching £60million) are among the options. There are examples, too, of times when Mourinho's impatience and willingness to make wholescale alterations have proved ill-advised. He was rash, for instance, in making a triple change at half-time in the FA Cup at Newcastle two years ago. When Wayne Bridge was injured shortly afterwards, it left no replacements. The removal of Wright-Phillips and Joe Cole after 26 minutes in the loss at Fulham last year seemed premature, to say the least, and brought no improvement.
Yet Mourinho is unrivalled in his ability to change a game from the bench. Rafael Benitez may have made perhaps the finest substitution during their time in England - the introduction of Dietmar Hamann in Istanbul, leading to a remarkable comeback - while Sir Alex Ferguson still possesses one of the great replacements, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Arsene Wenger, meanwhile, merely appears increasingly flustered on the touchline, rather summoning a saviour from the dugout.
None have changed the course of so many matches, but it has been required. Chelsea's habit of conceding first in significant games, whether to Arsenal, Tottenham, Porto or Valencia, has meant that their manager has needed to act.

He has displayed an authority as well as the ability to communicate quickly to players about their new brief. That, in turn, requires footballers adaptable enough to respond to very different demands. Essien, in particular, has shown that, while Robben and Cole provide innumerable options in the final third.
For Mourinho, it also necessitates complete faith in his own judgment, not that the Portuguese ever appears to question that. Instead, each change is a microcosm of him: bold, brash and normally successful, applying original thinking to a tactical dilemma and displaying that, while his own playing career was insignificant, his understanding of the game has not suffered.
It also shows a gambler's instinct and a willingness to raise the stakes with an unorthodox move. Much of Chelsea's success in their first two seasons under Mourinho came from the control they exerted, an impenetrable defence making them the masters of the 1-0 win. In a more demanding environment, Mourinho has found himself challenged more, and has flourished.
It has brought recognition, too: witness the glowing tributes paid by Terry and Frank Lampard.
Theirs is a manager who relishes the mental battle as well as the verbal one. The Champions League semi-final pits him against Benitez, a tactician of the highest calibre in Europe. When Chelsea visited Anfield at the equivalent stage two years ago, they ended up with Robert Huth in attack.
Given his recent replacements, Mourinho may be a better manager now. And yet he may not be Chelsea's manager for much longer, hugs with Roman Abramovich notwithstanding. It is easy to level the accusation that success has been bought. But, though money can procure players, it cannot produce the spirit Mourinho has forged or display the ability to transform defeat into victory from the bench.
Should Abramovich substitute Jose Mourinho in the summer, Chelsea could lose that capacity. And whoever he gets, they surely won't be a like-for-like replacement.

2007-04-02T21:33:00.000+08:00

Peter Mayle wrote my entire life story in his novel, A Good Year. now all i have to do is act out the script.

2007-03-31T11:07:00.000+08:00

"why do we fall bruce?

so we can learn to pick ourselves up."

there's always a next time. i will not relent

2007-03-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of god. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What God desires is here (points to Balian's head) and here (points to Balian's heart) and what you decide to do every day will make you a good man...or not.

You see, none of us chose our end really. A king may move a man, a father may claim a son. But remember that, even when those who move you be kings or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God you cannot say "but I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convinient at the time. This will not suffice. Remember that.

they're bringing sexy back

2007-03-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

hand itchy so i'm back to entertain those bored enough to drop by. ok so where shall we begin....ah yes. i wonder if ben lim or chew yinxiang should be credited with introducing me to this whole new strata of society. no matter.

brazil has abundant natural resources but their most outstanding export is still raw human talent. kaka and ronaldinho, the midfield maestros of my most beloved football clubs FC Barcelona and AC Milan, are two of the greatest footballing legends of our age. but we all know it isn't 'sexy' football that's captivating me.

so one faithful wednesday night i watched my first Victoria's Secret Fashion show....

quality not as good as HD version i downloaded. but u get the idea.

and now there's no turning back. i downloaded 06, 05. Now Alessandra Ambrosio, Gisele Bundchen, Anna Beatriz Barros, Karolina Kurkova and Heidi Klum are perpetually on my LCD screen. And i made another discovery today. MODTV podcasts on itunes have the 2007 VS Swimwear shoot and an exclusive interview with Alessandra. -drools-

now i know why no one on friendster/facebook is hot enough for ben. same goes for me.

Puzo - Each man has his own destiny.

2007-02-11T11:18:00.000+08:00

and after all this time, i realize its all wrong right down to the title. Frankie was wrong. you can't do it your way. there are greater powers that govern than the will of man. maybe God. maybe fate. maybe destiny. take your pick. one can only try his best and practise the virtues of faith, gratitude and humility.

2.5 years ago, the start of this blog marked the closure of one of the best chapters of my life thus far. it is ironic that i forgot the greatest lessons i should have garnered from the period and that it led to this blog being the chronicle of a chapter of decline and evemtual nadir.

pointless ranting, indulging in day dreaming, pinning hopes on a distant future instead of working on the present, chasing skirts which isn't so bad till you let it get to u and get emo/mopey - wasting away.

no motivation to knuckle down and study properly when the season ended, dropped my S paper, kept lowering expectations; well i scraped through barely for the A levels but tiill now am still waiting for a great college to take a risk/chance/gamble on me. and of course there are many who think that i don't deserve it because well i didn't showcase my academic talents, didn't participate in school stuff like orientation n stuff, basically a 'dumb' arrogant head in the air jock committed to the selfish pursuit of glory during the 2 years. its unnecessary to argue if their thoughts/my choices were right. time will tell. God will judge.

then there was army. NS was me giving Singapore a chance but what occured was further decline and decay when i didn't make it to OCS and went to SAFSA instead. up till this day, the immense blow to my pride of ending up in SISPEC is still difficult to stomach. but one thing was made clear to me then and remains etched in my heart: I am not valued. so from then on i knew my future wasn't here and i owed them nothing. i thought i would be able to make something of SAFSA. you know win some league matches and maybe even make the national team. but there was a whole lot of shrum in the team, even certain once great talents failed to impress in terms of committment and performance. i fell further with lots of terrible habits and the total collapse of discipline.

and then there's this. the accident.

now that i'm steadily on the mend its the right time to acknowledge the error of my ways. and to close the blog since there isn't anything much to say anyway. once i'm up i'll start a new happier blog with less ranting and moping.

THE END

The Leper King

2007-02-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

Looking down upon the massive ranks of Saracens upon the plain even the mighhty templars begin to quiver with the fear of impending doom. The distinct knocking of knees amongst the iinfantry were audible to all present, their neatly dressed ranks clearly on the verge of breaking into a headlong retreat away from the enemy that now stood only a few miles from the Holy City and the golden dome that shimmered far out on the horizon.

Sensing the overwhelmiing fear of his outnumbered commanders and men, the King dismounted from his mount and called forth the Bishop of Bethlehem to raise up the relic of the True Cross. Despite the debilating effects of his disease he prostrated himself before the sacred relic and beseeched God for divine intervention and victory, Rising from prayer, an aide rushes forth to aid his sickly king in mounting his horse. Despite the tenderness of his years, the disease had clearly taken its toll on the King. His flesh rotten and heavily bandaged; his right hand limp and clearly unable to hold a sword. Despite his physical weakness , he raised his sword with his good arm and charged the Saracen army. Inspired by their King's faith and bravery, renewed courage and resolve flowed in the veins of the Crusaders as they rode forth to meet their enemies.

poot poot

2007-02-06T22:58:00.001+08:00

i lurveeeee to fart. i keep farting non stop. farting is good.

boooooo

2007-02-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

2007-02-06T22:40:00.001+08:00

All bow to the master. Hail Ronaldo. Hail Rooney. Hail the Red Devils.

piak

2007-02-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

PIAK PIAK PIAK!!!

2007-02-03T17:06:00.000+08:00

it is queer even sad that last night i dreamt of that beautiful day long long ago and now i'm listening to this kid speak with such hunger, pride and desire.i felt a burning hole in my heart, an emptiness in the abyss of my soul. i know in life you try not to look back, no matter what. but whenever the bout of melancholy hits me i just wish i could be 18 again. 3 yrs on too much has changed. too much. sic transit gloria mundi

2007-02-01T12:20:00.000+08:00

al-pacino is THE most amazing actor. his roles as john milton aka satan in the devil's advocate and michael corleone in the Godfather series are plain stunning.

Keanu Reeves - Cut the shit, Dad! Why lawyers? Why the law?

Al-Pacino - Because the law, my boy, puts us into everything. It's the ultimate backstage pass. It's the new priesthood, baby.

2007-01-28T19:31:00.001+08:00

frustrated and angry with someone/sometthing, but ii can't seem to define it.

he said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of Singapore, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

cambridge, massachusetts...sigh

2007-01-28T19:31:00.000+08:00

2007-01-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

i cannot believe my dvd drive is locked to region 1. wtf now i can't watch jackshit. no godfather, no aviator, no cinderella man, and no MADAGASCAR ! fubar man. now i am placing all my hopes on chethan to hlp me pick up an external dvd writer. sigh

and i dislike grey's anatomy.

Top 30 Songs - what it means to me

2007-01-20T15:44:00.000+08:00

not in order of preference

1. Speeding Cars - Imogen Heap
a random download which turned out to be the OC Graduation song for Seanson 3. "there there baby its just textbook stuff its in the ABCs of growing up now now darling don't kill yourself none of us were angels and you know i love you yeah" heart wrenchingly beautiful. all the shit that happens is really just about growing up.

2. Moi Lolita - Alizee
french song. i first heard on the trailer of Russell Crowe's A Good Year ( which i want to watch ) no prizes for guessing that it's inspired by Vladimir Nabokov's famous novel Lolita. very catchy. you wouldn't guess it was erotic till you watch the mtv ( or understand french duh )

3. Forever Young - Youth Group
i like it much better than the Alphaville version. ryan and marissa's song. need i say more?

4. Godfather theme - Guns and Roses ( Slash Guitar solo )
Ashraf sent me the video. Since the series has been elevated to my favourite of all time the song deserves its place. ironic, pensive and dark just like the movie/novel. all hail Mario Puzo and Francis Coppola. many important lessons about friendship, loyalty, family, loyalty, cunning and business. ok i digress.

5. Fair - Remy Zero
its from the Garden State OST. kinda about a relationship that is on-off but with no real future. the lyrics are very meaningful and combined with the melody makes it real emo. "all my words were bound to fail but i know you won't fail see i can tell."

6. Mr. Blue - Catherine Feeny
heard it on the OC Season 4 opener when Summer makes a surpise trip back to Newport and meets Seth. simple. sweet.. i think i could be Mr. Blue. "... Mr. Blue, / Don't hold your head so low / That you can't see the sky / Mr. Blue, / It ain't so long since you were flying high... "

7. Here Come the Sun - The Beatles
from the Parent Trap OST. very uplifting and full of hope.

8. Comfortable - John Mayer
simply put: breaks my heart and makes me wanna cry.

9. Dreaming with a broken heart - John Mayer
i don't listen to this without the previous song, somehow to me it seems like the ideal melancholic ccombination. i must add that the person who sent me both songs has great music taste.

10. Worn Me Down - Rachel Yamagata
from the OC Season 2. can't remember the exact episode but its at the end of the episode and plays in the background as Seth says to Marissa ' a year ago who would have thought we would be the loneliest people in Newport " at that time ryan was with lindsey and summer was with zach. its about doing everything you can for someone you love but to no avail cause they're still in love with another and you know you gotta walk away. happens too often.

11. The World At Large - Modest Mouse
ANOTHER OC song, its from Season 2 when Jimmy cooper leaves. everytime i listen to it i can see myself walking through those gates for new pastures.

12. Diamonds are forever - Shirley Bassey
from the James Bond movie of the same name. but more importantly, it dates back emotionally to 2005 year end. when i was trying to convince myself that the _____ wasn't worth it. always combined with Sheryl Crow's Tomorrow Never Dies.

13. What Can I Do - The Corrs
loved this song since 1998, basically the whole 'Talk On Corners' album. but the melody and lyrics of the song are ever so catchy and touching.

14. Here with Me - Dido
from the Love Actually OST. the song plays when keira knightleyyy's charaacter finds out about her husband's best friend's secret love for her and he runs out. which now also reminds me of the part where he uses the huge drawings of sorts/cards to sort things out. was real sweet but again i digress. haunting, pensive, melancholic. though the movie ranks as an all time holiday favourite i haven't had a chance to share it with the correct person.

15. Come Undone - Duran Duran
another song that dates emotionally to 2005 year end. i wish i could leave it out but i can't.

16. Rhinestone Cowboy - Glenn Campbell
i remember i first heard the song in 1998 but its more important in 2005 when ming came back. always played it in the car. haha cheech and ming would remember.

17. Winding Road - Bonnie Sommerville
from the Garden State OST. it gives me hope in the future. i especially love the part "and I can see a little house / On top of the hill / And I can smell the ocean / The salt in the air / And I can see you / You're standing there / And you're washing your car / And I can see California sun in your hair" just awesome.

18. If You Leave - Nada Surf
from OC Season 1, episode: The Goodbye Girl, when Anna leaves. still one of my favourite scenes. and the song is so apt. too bad its super mainstream now, even my sister has it.

19. I Was Born to Love You - Queen
a classic made even more stunning by it being the theme song of the japanese ice hockey series Pride starring Takuya Kimura. its just amazing from start to finish. a rare high tempo ballad.

20. Sway - Bic Runga
a song of sweet innocent love. "Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon
It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true. Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do Sway my way, yeah I need to know All about you" if only all relationships were like that. too badd they're not. i used to like the person who sent me this song now i like her as a really good friend.

21. Tequila Sunrise - Eagles
the theme of RJC Class of 2004's Prom at *gasp* Suntec Convention Hall. very melancholic. i remember the cocktail reminds me of the song. not much relation to the song but the song reminds me of an old crush and that i cried at farewell assembly, sobbing 'its over its over' to nikhil ( in reference to the good ole RJC days }. gawd.

22. New York Minute - Eagles
cause its about New York where I'm going to maek my mark and cause of the nice post cheech wrote upon his return from his NY trip.

23. Vienna - Billy Joel
from the 13 going on 30 soundtrack. the only movie date i had with the old crush. well it was not bad. but the song's better. 'when will you realize vienna waits for you?' patience. one day i will get there.

24. Qing Tian - Jay Chou
jay chou's songs are all great like ke ai nu ren, qi li xiang, jian dan ai, fa ru xue, qian li zhi wai but this song reminds me of another old crush. and as a result. jimmy's retarded balloon plan.

25. Summer Rain - Belinda Carlisle
Mambo spoilt the song for me. but i still love it. 'oh my love its you that i dream of...somewhere in my heart i'll be dancing with you in the summer rain.'

26. Take My Breath Away - Berlin
from the Top Gun OST, made in, i'm proud to say, 1986! one of the best ballads of all time. luckily no one has spoilt it for me yet. everytime i listen to the song i think of a hot shot fighter jock, his sleek killer jet and a drop dead gorgeous girlfriend.

27. Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer
i can't remember when i first heard it but its sweet and simple lyrics is what love should be like.

28. Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye
when i watched Remember the Titans after my accident, the song as well as the movie made me bawl like an absolute baby. those were the days of glory, days long gone.

29. I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
it was between this and 'Cryin" which is another '05 year end to forget the _____ song' but with an interesting mtv. but i think steven tyler's voice is more powerful in "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" which is also the theme song to the 1998 blockbuster Armageddon starring Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck and *drumroll* Liv 'oh my gawd HOT" Tyler. like 'Take My Breath Away' it remains unspoilt.

30. Glory of Love - Chicago
from the Karate Kid OST, which makes it a relic of the early 90s. i remember ming really liked this song when he left for New York in 2004 and i sent it to cheech. the entire song is so idealistic which is what makes it so appealing. "I am a man who will fight for your honor / I'll be the hero you're dreaming of / We'll live forever / Knowing together that we / Did it all for the glory of love"

[ was inspired to do the list by my classmate's 'playlist of 2006' ]

2007-01-18T00:42:00.000+08:00

Athletic Kid

Even if you weren't a football star, you spent a good amount of time playing sports and keeping fit.

People may have stereotyped you as a "dumb jock" - but they underestimated your will, wit, and determination.

Who Were You In High School?

accurate man.

i miss raffles rugby and the table. sigh

tidings from 9500 miles away. and a hershey's bucket. nice chat with the classmates n sheila n jieming. someday i'll get there.

2007-01-15T11:35:00.000+08:00

something worth thinking about...

'a lawyer with a briefcase can steal more money than a hundred men with guns.' - Vito Corleone

2007-01-14T12:33:00.000+08:00

ashraf sent it to me. i love the ironic/dark nature of the song.

Behind every great fortune, there is a crime. - Balzac

2007-01-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

Sancte Michael Archangele,
defende nos in proelio.
contra nequitiam et insidias diaboli esto praesidium.
Imperet illi Deus, supplices deprecamur:
tuque, Princeps militiae coelestis,
Satanam aliosque spiritus malignos,
qui ad perditionem animarum pervagantur in mundo,
divina virtute, in infernum detrude.
Amen.

2007-01-10T23:38:00.000+08:00

'he could have played his records but he felt the same shyness about hearing his youthful passionate voice as an aging balding man running to fat feels about showing pictures of himself as a youth in tthe full bloom of manhood.'

indeed

on another note. true friendship and trust are earned and made in the times of hardship. if (and this is a highly theoretical situation) i had to appoint a Consiglere there would be only one choice. chosen for his capabilities but more importantly his blood and steadfast friendship.

2007-01-09T16:09:00.000+08:00

And I can see a little house
On top of the hill
And I can smell the ocean
The salt in the air
And I can see you
You're standing there
And you're washing your car
And I can see California sun in your hair

And its a winding road
I've been walking for a long time
Still don't know
Where it goes
And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
Still have hope
I'm gonna find my way home

so jimmy came by before leaving for HK as usual the past and the future was the agenda of choice. being the more worldly, he passed the advice on college while i told him how to geng in NS. so its all planned out. i just got to get out of here first. if (and i hope it does not) HPP vee then take a gap year, work - got some gd ideas on that, travel a bit, build homes for the homeless, apply for USC n its merit scholarships, and get ready for a 'welcome to the OC bitch' at SC. after this shit i gotta say it doesn't really matter if i'm a year late.

2007-01-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

Tommy whispers: Baby
it's okay
someday.

We've got to hold on to what we've got . . .
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer
. . .

We've got to hold on ready or not

You live for the fight when it's all that you've got.

We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer
. . .
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer
. . .
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer

2007-01-06T20:25:00.000+08:00

trust the classmates to look after my education. tim n tzeyin brought The Godfather and The Undercover Economist. well i believe there's a greater being that wants me to learn something from Mario Puzo's Godfather cause it keeps coming up.... what lesson/s can it be? hmm...will post my reflections after reading

talking to them i feel that my life has been in stasis ever since we graduated.

i will get out of here soon. i know it in my bones. well my pins and needles actually.

2007-01-04T18:00:00.000+08:00

thanks to dear amogh the sai kang is done. now i have to email the teachers... again

i think if they seee another form with my name on it they will throw it in the bin.

aye i pray i can get into either one of the 3 i applied...

i dun want to go to sch with people who think HSBC is a local Singapore bank.

must be their advertising: the world's local bank.

ok must stop laughing at ah lians... haha shit can't help myself

fake nosehair / eyebrow / hmmmm pubic...k brain dun go there PLS

pls stop being a snob.

HPP please accept me.

2007-01-03T21:14:00.000+08:00

fake eyebrows at a funky friend's party plus db are the highlights of my boring life.

2007-01-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

chew is still fucking kb funny.

2006-12-30T17:52:00.000+08:00

i can imagine him screaming FFFUUUCCCKKKKK in the background. seething with rage. db iis no joke,

its been a fucked up year. pppls fuck off 2006.

2006-12-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

ok. sent off the last app. of the year. no moe.

i only have 2 very selfish new year wishes.

1) fully recover
2) get into P, P or H

it' been good to see everyone lately, esp. the breakfast chat with jimmy

2006-12-25T16:30:00.000+08:00

i hate christmas.

2006-12-25T11:09:00.000+08:00

holidays make bad things feel worse.

thanks amos, weixuan, yaxin, panghao, des and chethan for trying to bring some festive cheer.

best christmas ever in my wretched history of christmas-s: 2004

sigh when your parents are grinches it really sucks.

aye too many negatives floating in my head. enough.

2006-12-21T15:51:00.000+08:00

-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (3:49:02 PM)
all u need is scv
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (3:49:07 PM)
then we get an account from gn
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (3:49:11 PM)
so dn need to ask him
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (3:49:20 PM)
and we can bet and watch at same time
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (3:49:23 PM)
like STOCK MARKET
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (3:49:27 PM)
training for the future
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (3:49:30 PM)
this is what a gap year is for
[junren] the thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you their arrows will blot out the sun says: (3:52:49 PM)
we'll see

moments later....

.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:04:47 PM)
10 matchs x 30 = 300 dollars
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:04:49 PM)
gg
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:04:53 PM)
300 dollars / week
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:04:59 PM)
x 4 weeks a month
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:03 PM)
=1.2k
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:08 PM)
1.2k x 12 months
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:14 PM)
24k
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:22 PM)
24k we put all on community shield
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:24 PM)
48 k
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:32 PM)
48k we invest in IPO
[junren] the thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you their arrows will blot out the sun says: (4:05:33 PM)
fuck you
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:36 PM)
480 k
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:39 PM)
480 k
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:44 PM)
dun need FA
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:45 PM)
yay!
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:05:59 PM)
wait
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:06:03 PM)
480 k we start up a company
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:06:13 PM)
Puntees Pte Limited
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:07:17 PM)
after 2 years
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:07:21 PM)
4.8 mil net worth
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:07:27 PM)
start up subsidary company
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:07:34 PM)
bookie pte limited
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:07:40 PM)
soon we'll control the underworld
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:07:46 PM)
legalised 369
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:07:52 PM)
369 pte limited
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:08:03 PM)
4.8 bil net worth
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:08:10 PM)
singapore's richest man tan jun ren
-=t.T's=- bEn : . Sorry for the f up says: (4:08:14 PM)
and then i can have horse sex

who needs Homer when you can have ben.

2006-12-17T18:39:00.000+08:00

my sister left for bangkok on friday.

weiyang n cheech are enroute to New York.

gill's in Japan.

terence's going HK.

jieming's goin Taiwan.

GEPs returned from Taiwan.

i've got my bed, Homer Simpson, Kenny McCormick and celery sticks for best friends.

dota and punting for heart stoppppping pasttimes.

bliss.

a self righteous tirade that might bite me in the ass one day

2006-12-12T10:53:00.000+08:00

this world doesn't need anymore photowhore bloggers showing off their beautiful lives, shopping sprees and luxurious travels. occasionally masquerading as virtuous, compassionate and religiously devout souls who pretend to understand suffering and discrimination when they're popular and have had every single damned thing handed to them. you're lucky you don't have to understand what its like, the only thing you can do is try and help. put aside a tenth of the money you'll spend on yourself for the hungry, homeless, handicapped and sick - the world might be a better place. but that's too much to ask because most of you don't even know or appreciate the efforts your parents put in to earn the money you squander. i mean...'tmr i'm going to buy car'...'i got a porsche for my bday'.... for your spoilt narcissistic sakes i hope someday before they're long gone you will understand and appreciate.

i have many friends who are similar in nature and in the wake of Jan 6th, i feel that there ain't much i can share with them. our conversations are no longer the same. think about all i've said, it does not apply entirely to everyone.pick out what works for you.

no more rich preppy not so smart white liberal arts school for me. maybe i'll take a year off. habitat for humanity's looking interesting n a gd cause

2006-12-09T14:57:00.000+08:00

when you're dreaming with a broken heart ( or body ) waking up is the hardest part.

sian.

2006-12-08T11:02:00.000+08:00

2006-12-03T12:30:00.000+08:00

over Singapore vs. North Korea woman's table tennis at Doha and a Chopin on youtube...

Don remarked 'eh shit I dun have skills to chase girls, unlike binny who can play so many musical instruments.'

Nik 'you got table tennis skills what.'

Don 'then you also can use your hockey skills.'

me 'the only skill i have is bashing people up and i don't even have that anymore.'

but on the other hand, i have an imagination capable of conjuring up immense dreams and re-enactments of epics past.

300's trailer is an inspiration for a script i'm thinking of writing entitled 'Vienna 1683'

2006-12-02T17:22:00.000+08:00

they are unbeatable on current form.

on course to lift the title next October.

now there's even an established 'protected twenty two' withdrawn from the Super 14 to condition them for the big showdown at the Stade de France on Oct 22nd which i'm sure they'll make.

faster fitter stronger All Blacks - pinnacle of the physical human condition. forever inspirational.

hmmm hope i'm lucky enough to be there.

2006-11-30T13:49:00.000+08:00

'i trust you with my life both on and off the field.'

and

'Rooney's response to the predictable abuse was to turn in their direction and kiss the badge on his red United shirt.'

reminded me of the good old days in jc.too bad i didn't get to play hwachong, score a try as we white washed them and kiss the badge on my green black white Raffles jersey. closest i got to that was brandishing my middile fingers at the saints crowd as firas and raihan ran riot.well more importantly we won that year.

that was the junren i loved - feisty focused. not the junren of 2005 - decadent aimless destructive

things would be different if i had been bob n sherm on that day.

2006-11-27T20:52:00.000+08:00

i'm certain my academic interests are now the Arab world, financial mathematics esp. the Nash equilibrium, and Friedman's monetary school of economics.

you know we shld hang out ( sadly at my place ) the five funky friends when isabelle gets back. just like old times. how about it?

2006-11-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

isabelle's coming back too!

so that means 2 out of my 3 favourite 'Americans' are coming back for christmas.

i am certain large progress will be made between now and then.

gillian also wanted me to tell everyone that the garden is no longer blooming because it no longer receives my pee.

but more importantly Einstein said, 'God does not choose to play dice with the universe.'

2006-11-21T11:08:00.000+08:00

the clear blue skies and warm sunshine makes one feel that every problem has a solution.

it felt like OC.

jimmy's coming back for christmas but ming's not, the classmates going to visit him in New York.

i really want to get up for christmas.

2006-11-17T23:47:00.000+08:00

i find myself living in the past and the future.

it seems the present has always sucked since May 26 2004.

a series of false dawns.

all i ever wanted was to start over somewhere else.

and you'll get it mate, soon. patience

2006-11-16T13:42:00.000+08:00

a psychological dislocation changes people. don't expect him to be exactly the same

i wanna tell jimmy that i can pee.

Ambition is the last refuge for failure - Oscar Wilde?

2006-11-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

Interesting stuff I heard.
'eh can't talk now in a meeting' 'only project group meeting what...act cool make it sound like corporate boardroom liddat.'
'ya you should go into litigation because all the corporate jobs are going to us anyway.'

how naive. Epitome of the pathetic Singapore rat race. an instituition that inflates its student's self worth way beyond reality, when clearly they are not even the creme de la creme of a small island nation. nus law friends guess which institution i'm talking about. hint: they make many commercials and are opening a law school.

words of a potential student.
'really bo tua bo sui, whole day act cool think they're ELITE dunno where they really stand. after going to raffles I don't know how they let -blank- delude them into believing that they are the best. I mean back in JC everyone's aiming for scholarships. US/UK universities, law or medicine. now go to sch. with those from rojak JCs how to be the best. i'm not being elitist just realistic. if -blank- is so great then Stanford and Harvard how? eh graduating from -blank- also doesn't increase the chances to get into their MBA programmes as compared to US schools. ah fuck la maybe after first year try to transfer.'

my friend. Mr. CPF ben would say 'jews are very influential. like myself i'm half of ben and jerry's, jerry - geri of the spice girls is my wife. but ok back to the topic would a jew enroll there? no. so how can it be the best.'

enough said? nope. there's also: COE. GST Hike to 7 percent. even Canada's is 6 percent and GST exempt on essentials and medical care. CPF fraud. GIC losing our money. Foreign talent for example the 2nd lower law graduates from overseas. to name a few worthy issues. sigh

words of wisdom spoken to me.
'our generation believed in the nation that's why we came back but we no longer do that's why we're migrating. i mean now the government prefers foreigners and we're being treated as 2nd class. plus the foreign talent we get are those who can't make it in their own countries. i mean top British talent may voluntarily ditch London for New York, but never for Singapore. after you graduate no point coming back here next time have to work under somebody just because they're sent from HQ. might as well work overseas then come back as foreign talent later.'

new york city has a income tax of 48.52 percent, california 44.2 percent . not sure if its progressive. steeper than our 22 percent but still worth looking. might not be paradise city but the grass does seem slightly greener and the girls prettier? definitely

2006-11-11T10:53:00.000+08:00

today i saw the victim of a tragic hit and run accident. his/her - couldn't tell which - blank eyes staring into space, limp hind limbs severed from its body. i felt great pity.

a long skinny tail sticking out of a mess. a creature equally disgusting in death and in life. i hate rats.

mother said, your nostrils so big like a jew's.

i said wtf

mother said, jews have huge nostrils cause the air is free.

looks like i can be a randy lerner, malcom glazer, roman abramovich, marcus goldman, samuell sachs, george soros, donna karan, ralph lauren, levis strauss, kenneth cole, calvin klein, ben cohen and jerry springfield of ben & jerry's ice cream, steven spielberg, howard schultz the owner of starbucks.

people are antisemitic cause they're jealous. like benedict.

2006-11-10T21:09:00.000+08:00

making a post sitting up finally experiencing the best of the LCD display.

once i mentioned an exclusive circle of trust that has come to establish itself in the aftermath of the infamous 'January 6' incident. well its just another important lesson, sort of, one learns from an extended period of immobilization.

conviction.

listening to your gut.

patience.

gratitude.

faith.

man's inherent insentivities that one has to forgive.

an envious man is an unhappy man.

are a few more.

everything from getting up henceforth is a bonus.

there's no shame in suffering. the greater the suffering the greater the triumph that awaits. a character forged in the one of the fiercest fires of life. like the legendary phoenix that rose from the smouldering ashes i'll be back with more style, substance and steel. stronger than ever before. because what can possibly be harder than this.

my motivation and inspiration
'first be still and build a self that is as solid and unmoving as Mount Fuji' - Miyamoto Musashi

2006-11-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

when the nightmare ends, i'll be living am dream

2006-11-04T14:39:00.000+08:00

if all one can say is 'he/she's a nice person' either one hardly knows the individual in question or its an euphemism for 'she/he's an asshole/jerk/motherfucker/slut/whore/etc.' there has to be more to be said or a more specific word to describe the person in question.

take for example:

benedict
binny's caring he always buys me food. a real good friend who won't leave anyone in the lurch. oh he's ambitious too, fully aware of the social inequalities in life. he wants his villa on Bermuda and has been plotting his ascend of the social ladder.

gabriel
oh gn's a-bangla-whore (jianwei can't pronounce Agbonlahor - of Aston Villa fame) he's a steady friend who's always there for his friends. has great taste buds and loves to sleep. wild character you can always count on gn to lead the way when it comes to the clubbing and drinking festivities. he's damn smart - ok start gloating bout economics.

of course the list is an example and descriptions are not exhaustive.

it was good to see jason yang, looneh, pravin, jaron, zhaoming, n the rj gang. thanks for stadium arcadium dude.

'Cry me a future Where the revelations run amok'

2006-11-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

only through suffering are truths revealed.

If you're sick-a-sick 'n' tired
Or being sick and tired
If you're sick of all the bullshit
And your sick of all the lies
It's better late then never
To set-a-set it straight
You know the lies is dead
So give your self a break
Get it through your head
Get it off your chest
Get it out your arms
Because it's time to start fresh
You want to stop dying
The life you could be livin'
I'm here to tell a story
But I'm also hear to listen
No I'm not your preacher
And I'm not your physician
I'm just trying to reach you
I'm a rebel with a mission

Fight like a brave-Dont be a slave
No one can tell you you've to be afraid
Fight like a brave-Dont be a slave
No one can tell you you've to be afraid

2006-10-27T13:15:00.000+08:00

submission to thy Queen.

2006-10-26T12:19:00.000+08:00

http://sporeunderground.blogspot.com's response to the whole wee shu min scandal has got me thinking about an age old issue; scholarships and who its going to. now, plenty of my friends are scholarship holders - while some are taking it so that they can experience an overseas education that their parents cannot otherwise afford them others just want to be dedicated civil servants.

while wee shu min isn't yet a scholarship holder and probably won't be now, there are many in her mould that they have funded and will fund in the future - those born and breed not merely in relative comfort but absolute luxury who go to the best schools and gifted program etc. my friend pointed out that they are scholars because they are deserving having proven their academic capabilities, and whether they are able to afford an American or British education is irrelevant because we need them - actually he said 'they -the people- need us' - to run the country. however i would beg to differ. if the rich folks can afford to send their kids on their own income, that would free up taxpayer's money i.e scholarships for those who are both deserving and in need. doesn't that create a larger talent pool that can crusade for singaporean economic prosperity and hence greater good of the general populace?

furthermore, consider the neopotism that is quietly rampant. LKY can afford to send his kids abroad on his earnings as PM so why does hisen loong and hisen yang, and now even his grandson hongyi -PM's son- have to use taxpayer's money to pay for their overseas education? its like saying that the Bush daughters are going to college on financial aid now tell me how ridiculous that is.

the issue is not a matter of elite schools because every nation has it, even quasi-communist ones. china has Peking university 'bei da'; the UK has Oxbridge and America has its Ivy League. i went to elite schools - namely Chinese High and Raffles JC - and i can assure you that WeeShuMin who is embarassingly my direct junior and her clones are not the norm. in fact they are usually unpopular. we had a similar fella called daniel lim whose mother was/is? the MP of Boon Lay. during an interview at RJC which was aired on national radio, she was bombarded by controvesial questions which she could only attempt to circumvent. The main 'culprits' who were very bright ordinary singaporeans, one was even an indian immigrant, later went on to become deserving scholars in all senses even need. My close friends and I are ordinary Singaporeans, some slightly well off than others, but we possess none of her snobbery. Filled with hope, ambition and idealism maybe, but also aware of the suffering of others. and yes we're not geniuses we work hard, some harder than others, some hardly bothered, and complain about MOE. The only places we exhibit signs of arrogance are on the playing fields. And that is not a God given right but a right earned through blood and sweat.

personally i'd rather be blogging about RHCP's awesome song 'Apache Rose Peacock' from their 1991 album 'Blood sugar sex magik' but i guess i needed to rant. MAKE ANTHONY KIEDIS, JOHN FRUSCINATE AND FLEA MM, SM AND PM RESPECTIVELY - WE'LL HAVE GOOD MUSIC DRUGS ALCOHOL AND SEX EVERDAY. haha that was retarded. as for me, i'm proud of where i'm from and the friends i made. i'm neither a rich kid whose parents are paying a few hundred grand for an American education nor a spender of taxpayer's money but i am going abroad, funded by the nice alumni at my American college. I earned it not just by academic merit but also by the financial profile forms i had to fill out. And because i detest Singaporean systems so much i'll probably just stay in New York to write a rags to riches, well not quite, more like addidas to armani if you get what i mean, story -that i'm due a slice considering how hard life kicked me in the balls- which i'll return at a later date to share with friends and family as a pseudo foreign executive.

BENEDICT LIM IS DA MOST COMPASSIONATE SOUL. A TRUE-ER THAN TRUE FRIEND. UNLIKE WEESHUMI, WHOSE REPUTATION IS WORSE THAN LIANNE NGOI'S, YOU DESERVE WHARTON. ALL HAIL BINNY. SINGAPORE'S BORAT. HE GO TO AMERICA FOR CULTURAL LEARNINGS MAKE BENEFIT GLORIUS NATION OF SINGAPORE.

WEE SHU MIN SCANDAL

2006-10-25T16:19:00.000+08:00

stuck up lil arrrogant bitch. makes me ashamed for the first time to call myself a raffles humans scholar. you might be right, but unspoken truths are unspoken for a reason. besides you lack empathy, compassion n sensitivity. oh and you're childish. not to mention passe - bitch communism's so yesterday. -do the ditzy paris hilton tone- however i thank you...

here's why:

conversation with tzing

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:13:03 PM)
hmm well i'd imagine. now we are eclipsed! she is the worst of the a01a, not us!
haha the millions of white slips cannot hold a candle to this.

[junren] Apache Rose Peacock says: (8:14:11 PM)
YES NOW WE ARE NOT THE WORST

[junren] Apache Rose Peacock says: (8:15:21 PM)
for all the short skirts, pon class, long/guai lan hair, lousy grades she still kicks our ass.

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:17:34 PM)
who had guai lan hair?

[junren] Apache Rose Peacock says: (8:17:49 PM)
ME

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:17:59 PM)
oh er really ah

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:18:02 PM)
i dont remember leh

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:18:07 PM)
it must not have been that guai lan

[junren] Apache Rose Peacock says: (8:18:45 PM)
haf haf...mohawk..n weiming's very long hair

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:20:14 PM)
oh yah wm's ah beng hair

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:20:19 PM)
you had a mohawk?!

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:20:24 PM)
a MOHAWK?!

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:20:32 PM)
why do i have absolutely no recollection of this!

[junren] Apache Rose Peacock says: (8:20:48 PM)
bad memory tsk

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:22:56 PM)
hrm okay lah

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:23:13 PM)
at least you dont publicly blog your neo-nazi views!

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:23:24 PM)
despite your pseudo poser punk ass mohawk!

actually, I don't really know where I'm going with this says: (8:23:34 PM)
we should all pat ourselfves on our backs

Otherside

2006-10-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

'I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up and brought up the past
Once youÂve gone you can never go back
IÂve got to take it on the otherside'

kiedis is reminded of slovak by a photograph, and hreminiscenceses bout the past: when they were kids, making music, taking drugs and slovak's eventual death from heroin overdose. slovak's gone and he can't come back, the only way kiedis can meet him is when he crosses to the Otherside.

2006-10-23T20:27:00.000+08:00

i suddenly remember the night and morning after effects of 20 piece nuggets at KAP last year. queer thought.

2006-10-22T17:41:00.000+08:00

When to descend to amend for a friend
All the channels that have broken down

Now you bring it up
I'm gonna ring it up
Just to hear you sing it out

Step from the road to the sea to the sky
And I do believe what we rely on

When I lay it on
Come get to play it on
All my life to sacrifice

Hey oh listen what I say oh
I got your
Hey oh listen what I say oh

The more I see the less I know
The more I like to let it go…hey oh
Wooooaaah

Deep beneath the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it’s so white as snow

Privately divided by a world so undecided
And there’s nowhere to go

In between the cover of another perfect wonder
Where it’s so white as snow

Running through the field where all my tracks will
Be concealed and there's nowhere to go

2006-10-22T16:41:00.000+08:00

yaxin kenny dies all the time if you want to be him....WELL

2006-10-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

Scar tissue that I wish you saw
Sarcastic mister know it all
Close your eyes and Ill kiss you cause
With the birds Ill share
With the birds Ill share
This lonely view
With the birds Ill share
This lonely view...

thanks binny for the book. HAPPY NOW? The Bear and the Dragon is awesome btw. spooks, geology, organized crime,trade wars, real wars, domestic politics, sex and religion all rolled into one.
been wanting to post this for a while. fuck stephen hunt and Reading. go back to the championship where you scum belong. there are certain limits one does not cross.

2006-10-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

i hate youtube. bastards removed all their SouthPark videos.

Eric Cartman Rox

I CAN BE ERIC CARTMAN.

2006-10-13T12:11:00.000+08:00

blue skies this morning. finally.

very happy yesterday cause binny brought me lunch. an unsung hero i am in debted to.

in a nutshell - greater flexibility is the first signs of its vindication as my subconcious mind carries out the necessary extensive repairs. been feeling aches in my limbs and bouts of surging bioelectricity kinda akin to the noise and other pollution from construction - my body being the worksite.

i promised i'll definitely get up fellas - its a promise i'll never break. question is merely when. as gn says, its ord time stop chao keng-ing and pretending. GET UP. nude bitches erh sorry meant beaches of mykonos awaits us.

now time for more violent childish South Park.

2006-10-11T19:01:00.000+08:00

james bond obesession. playlist runs, shirley bassey - diamonds are forever, moonraker, goldfinger..sheryl crow tmr never dies tina turner golden eye etc. thanks gillian for the dvds, weixuan for strudel, mag n duck for coming by. feeling good. my bold roll of the dice is starting to pay divdvendends. pray God vindicate my decision.

been thinking of travelling the former austro-hungarian empire too - vienna budapest prague belgrade sarajevo adriatic coast of croatia rome florence milan venice. maybe Monte Carlo too - bond inspired. and of course havana, cuba but we'll save that for college where i'll have convenient illegal access from the US

Diamonds are forever,
They are all I need to please me,
They can stimulate and tease me,
They won't leave in the night,
I've no fear that they might desert me.
Diamonds are forever,
Hold one up and then caress it,
Touch it, stroke it and undress it,
I can see ev'ry part,
Nothing hides in the heart to hurt me.
I don't need love,
For what good will love do me?
Diamonds never lie to me,
For when love's gone,
They'll lustre on.
Diamonds are forever,
Sparkling round my little finger.
Unlike men, the diamonds linger;
Men are mere mortals who
Are not worth going to your grave for.
I don't need love,
For what good will love do me?
Diamonds never lie to me,
For when love's gone,
They'll lustre on.
Diamonds are forever, forever, forever.
Diamonds are forever, forever, forever.
Forever and ever.

and yes sheryl you're right. tomorrow never dies.

2006-10-07T14:34:00.000+08:00

it is certain that through the days and months that have come to past, a certain psychological dislocation has occured, shaping convictions, attitudes, goals and desires. conventions of youthful machinations no logner apply. indeed much of what was deemed as a 'problem' and petulant desires are now microscopic when one is embattled in bitter struggles uncommon to one's age, let alone a struggle between life and death. God made this world fair. headstarts in life bestowed by parents or governments will sooner or later be withered away through fruitless endeavours, incompetence or the a competitor's harnessing of sheer talent and opportunities bestowed by the invisible hand of God - fate who itself ensures equality in more complex ways sometimes inconcievable in a life time. do not envy, do not be smug, aspire but do not covet. who you are and what you do determines what you will become. in the transcience of time and space till judgement, God's checks and balances will ensure all is fair - that is an eternal and universal truth. it iis not a matter of religion for religion is a mere series of doctrines and dogma designed and manipulated by man whenever his interest deems it necessary. allexist. all are right. none is better than the other. religion divides only the universality of spirituality unites.

2006-10-06T19:55:00.000+08:00

Made a brave decision today. Pray it pays dividends. so help me God.

People dont know about the things I say or do
They dont understand about the shit that Ive been through
Its been so long since Ive been home
Ive been gone Ive been gone for way to long
Maybe I forgot all the things Id miss
Oh somehow I know theres more to life then this
I said it too many times and I still stand firm
You get what you put in, and people get what deserve
Still I aint seen mine no I aint seen mine
Ive been givin just aint been gettin Ive been walkin back that line
So I think ill keep on walkin with my head held high
Ill keep movin on and only God knows why
Only god..
Only god..
Only God knows why
Only God knows...why why why why only God knows why

Music

2006-09-29T12:29:00.000+08:00

recently discovered the beauty of electronica, namely Frou Frou and Imogen Heap. Heap's songs are commonly found on The OC. such as goodnight and go, hide and seek and speeding cars. speaking of OC i want season 3. but it seems the haunting effect that i love has a depressing feel to it. the deep meaningful and not to mention sad lyrics don't help either.

days of splitting headaches

2006-09-26T12:59:00.000+08:00

all part and parcel of qigong treatment that is starting to yield visible results.

thankfully the friends came in force over the weekend

for those returning to the UK take care, esp. yeemeng i don't want to hear about you being an anti-social dota freak at warwick.

for zach n jon enjoy taiwan. haha

thanks ter, siva, raihan, renji, sx for prata and original ahpek chia for famous me goreng

now to the main pt..

i would like to thank APFC for the no. 3 jersey. i hope to play well for the club when i recover from my life changing injury. i know my soccer skills are fucking lousy but i am here to learn from the greats at APFC. hopefully my angst will be able to add something to the club. thank you.

chronicles of dom and timo

2006-09-19T14:39:00.000+08:00

yesterday morning i woke up to an sms that read..

omg. i just saw timo he's fugly. he looks like a pig n he's wearing a hairband.

that evening on msn...

he raised his shades and went "hey dom what's going on man?"

this morning another sms...

noooo i just saw fugly timo again. i'm cursed.

times have changed. due to the negative influences i have exerted on dom over the years he's no longer a nice guy who respects his elders. does winning the Police Cup mean we have the right to jack timo the way yeowkuan n tziyang do or kick his ass at touch vis-a-vis last year? i dunno. ask dom or sherman.

on another note i need volunteers to help me lengthen my palmaris longus and flexor digitorium, and to flex my interphalengial joints. at this point gillian deserves special mention. it is NOT latin for dick dear birdbrain they are tendons in the hand. benedict - binny -lim you don't need to volunteer for you its compulsory. [even my mother calls you binny.]

and happy birthday terence.

2006-09-18T15:24:00.000+08:00

it seems i've turned the corner since qigong started, can feel improvements internallly but not see it. frustration and impatience are the devil's temptations now, and at times i slip into it. i need to work harder, strength courage resilience where art thou for heaven's sake. i promised to be up by the end of hte year but there's only 3 mths to go. i promised cheech n wy we'll make it for christmas in the big apple, new year's at times sq..but i'm still here..summer's gone but i'm still here. fuck fuck fuck i'm gonna try and sit up right now without anyone's help.

2006-09-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

memoir excerpt

...and i remember clearly the day we were beaten by pioneer at the old Saints ground. i ripped off my jersey and flung it in front of tay together with insults to his coaching and character. as i cried in frustration and a desire to be a winner instead of a loser in front of the church still smelling from the game i was certain i would never play in chinese high or hwachong colours ever again. terence was the one who eventually made me walk back, only to hear mikail speak of how we were going to beat RI and Barker. now i respect mikail as a friend and organizer but he is not in the league of any of the captains i later played under and i knew that he was speaking unrealistically. having called the rafflesians my family and played with the barker boys at u19 and the club i know that for certain....since then i played against tay's teams twice for scc and beating them by cricket scores on both occasions has rarely been more satisfying....

weird dream last night of people i haven't seen in the longest time promeniently kylash, my pri sch pal ash, jason and alroy whom i don't even know well. and for the second time it ended with me copying dom's answers in an exam which has never and will never happen. wtf

2006-09-13T19:08:00.000+08:00

watching Godfather has taught me much. morality and justice is never black and white. i aspire to be Don and stand Godfather to those who have done me good.

"What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you. someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as gift on my daughter's wedding day. "

"Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man"

2006-09-08T13:27:00.000+08:00

O say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming!
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there:
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation,
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n - rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto--"In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

by francis scott key

2006-09-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

wisdom and caution - the children of error - are the only gifts of time till dementia arrives. many say love like you've never been hurt before. but any being would find it hard to do so hence the saying once bitten twice shy. i just wish i can live like i've never been hurt before.

the flag still flies proudly as the battle rages on.

2006-09-01T21:00:00.000+08:00

there are many things in life you might not believe in but they do exist - like God, saints, the Force just like in star wars and kungfu novels, karma, fate and destiny. Science? physics mathematics chemistry i believe in. biology - i have completely lost faith in. in 8 months i have lived a hundred years. older wiser mature - when i get up would i feel 20 or 120 i really wonder. once the nightmare ends, the dreams begin. life i've seen it all...

2006-08-24T13:27:00.000+08:00

if my life were a song it would be any Bon Jovi song - every single one of 'em

if i wrote a memoir these would be 2 possible excerpts...

....with the graduation of the 83/84 generation into senior ranks or retirement, there are few quality front rowers left. namely sherman, daryl, darius and benedict. there would have been more had gabriel lee and zhuwei not converted to locks; while reiner n tziyang are more valuble on the loose. on the other hand, there is no lack of pretenders. timo - who should actually be named pumba - is more well known for his ego, showmanship, and immense ability to throw one sided throw-ins. the most IRRITATING and uninspiring senior ever. yuhan, likewise is able to speak with pride about his pioneer days in front of champions from ACJC and RJC while being totally oblivious to how slow/unfit/weak he actually is...

....knicks, rangers, yankees, madison sq garden, times sq, pizza, beer, disgusting chinese food in a box - if only....

2006-08-06T13:00:00.000+08:00

thank you lord for all my friends. thank you my friends - in trying times like these our friendship, the good times we've had and thebetter times we'll have are the greatest inspiration to get back on my feet. thank you for a great 20th birthday despite the prevailing circumstances.

as i stared at the two chocolate cakes, closed my eyes and bit my lip - he asked if i was emo. men are hard creatures and hide emotions beneath their exterior. truth is i was. then and when i read the card. thank you all my dear friends.

2006-06-09T11:34:00.000+08:00

who would you believe - those ordained by god with special abilities to heal or those guided by the arrogance of knowledge?

yes. the arrogance of knowledge - mankind's malaise from the day adam and eve ate from the forbidden tree. when knowledge was still limited man still depended on god's creations in mother nature. but as knowledge grew we began to play god with artificial drugs, surgery,chemotheraphy etc. attempting to control life. now with stem cell research, cloning, the mapping of the human genome man can choose a baby's sex and physical features. of course more is to come as man pursues even greater knowledge
and tries to declare himself god by taking the reins of evolution into his hands. thereby prompting mankind's final retribution.

guided by their arrogance - thinking medical school gave them full knowledge of the contents of the book of life and death - they condemned me with their judgement and counter productive drugs, unknowingly wrecking havoc on my blood pressure and heightening muscle atrophy. what do they know ? what right do they have to decide another man's fate by the arrogance of their knowledge. only god knows. only god can decide.

So I ask you again, who would you believe ? Someone ordained by God or someone blinded by the arrogance of his or her limited mundane knowledge?

2006-06-07T19:47:00.000+08:00

i am definitely the man to make the impossible possible. for the great past and the greater future. for those i love. failure is not an option.

2006-06-02T18:25:00.000+08:00

one day i will rule. not today. maybe tomorrow. someday. or die trying. dead or alive i will fly to the moon n play amongst the stars.

2006-01-03T19:30:00.000+08:00

magnumsquasher says:
i hope youre not saying all this to trick me into coming back and drinking with u
magnumsquasher says:
cos i'll so kill u

the phat jimmy. haha. life really does take us on different paths. no matter what gill says, jimmy is still jimmy. not holy or pious as before, but still my good friend.

it started in Zouk, but it will end in Times Square

2006-01-03T01:55:00.000+08:00

2005 stank like the rubbish barge that just passed your house. the source no where in sight, but the stench still lingering in the air. though i must admit that i was very blessed, there really were a great number of regrets for a year, too many mistakes made and too many lessons that need to be learned. but this year, this year will be different. i will get into college, we'll win some medals, we'll be outta this shit. By november i'll be high and dry.

what began in Zouk will end in Times Square.

2006-01-01T07:02:00.000+08:00

As we ushered in the new year with flaming lambos, long island ice tea and later monopoly, I felt a rush of confidence and enthusiasm. It's as if the broom has swept clean the baggage of 2005.my birthday really summed the year up - sick with fever at home, with a few close buddies who bothered to visit. what would i do without some of you guys, i really don't know. now I find myself writing down resolutions that are more concrete and at the same time less serious than those I failed to keep last year.

I will come to love running.
I will become a gym freak again.
He summised long ago that the typical South African player seeks physical dominance over his opponent -- a raw, aggressive mentality embedded in the country's history
I will run my first vertical marathon towards the later half of the year.
I will not club till I get to America in late November
I will buy RISK & Monopoly and constantly torment people to play with me.
I will go to Wala Wala as much as I can with cheechong to watch EIC.
I will go to Wala Wala as much as I can with Alex to watch the Unexpected.

this one's tentative on jimmy. ming - we are going to get so drunk that we will piss from the balcony of your 23rd floor apartment in New York and then puke from it.

and there is another one. hmmm. loneliness is really an inner condition. and I remember a saying from a Japanese serial, "I have never been lonely in my life. Never ever." The character was a hardcore ice hockey player. So whenever it tries to creep up on me, I'll hit the road.

2005-12-29T20:23:00.000+08:00

Don't wanna sleep, don't wanna die, just wanna go a-travellin' through the pastures of the sky.

2005-12-29T05:27:00.000+08:00

i think i understand one reason why this place is so unattractive as i heard over christmas eve, "this place is so boring." i mean who would wanna go to Zouk or MOS - and there are a lot of other trashy clubs out there like Chinablack - when you could be clubbing without all the ah bengs, ah lians, uptight bitches, and a girl to guy ratio of 1:10. wouldn't it be more pleasant if there was actually space on the dancefloor? wouldn't it be awesome if the ratio was 1:1? and wouldn't it be much better to fall out of a club at 4am with some wild latino, raunchy ABC/ABK, hot caucasian or pretty HongKong girl whose father makes 100 grand a month minimum - all who would be most willing to up the ante to making out, feeling up and maybe even sex which i neither approve nor disapprove because it is between consenting adults. shelf the fucking uptight conservative public opinion. i mean what the fuck uptight bitches, if you don't want to get grinded pick up salsa or ballroom dancing. call me a bastard, a slut, a whore or any other profane vulgarity you can come up with i seriously cannot give a damn because the reason why we have such a boring party scene is because Singapore clubs are strictly BYOC - bring your own chick. cause really, you'll hardly ever REALLY find some.

taking a 10 month hiatus from the clubbing till i land my ass in the Big Apple. figured playing a mean game of rugby and beating the shit out of some white folks would be the way to go, instead of spending 20 dollars and more to dance AROUND - yes take note its AROUND and not WITH - some uptight bitches. i'm not quitting clubbing, just taking a break.

Tell Me What Are Dreams.

2005-12-28T04:56:00.000+08:00

Dreams are like money – when you have no dreams you are surely down and out; when you have too many dreams you store them in the vault of your mind, unsure what to do with them. But dreams are also like magic, they have to be taken from the vault and conjured into reality before they taste intoxicatingly sweet.

Dreams are like the time of the day - there are those that live in the day, fleeting and formless like the everchanging clouds those that move in and out of your mind. Then there are those that live by the night, constant as
the northern star, those that warm your lonesome spirit and howl to the full bright moon. Mine live in the dusky limbo - never to see the day or night.

Dreams when taken from the vault and conjured wrongly or left alone turn to despondency.

its what you make it out to be.

by the way, i feel like swimming right now, too bad its 5am in the morning and i dun have a private pool.

Where is the good life?

2005-12-26T16:34:00.000+08:00

here i don't know where i can find it. but when i step into the world i probably won't know too. i have a year's time to prepare for the changes. for the life of a wanderer - haha according to looneh, it should be called Global Citizen - Davos man. maybe college will be home. but when the term ends, i'll have no familiar bed, familiar room and familiar house in Singapore to return to like everyone else since i can't call Toronto home though the parents and the sister are probably gonna be there. keeping fingers crossed that it will all turn out as planned. best news i've had in a long time. such an adventure life will turn out to be~! and the good life is really an inner condition. home is more a feeling than a place, though places do hold keys to precious memories. come forth 2006 and may you pass by quickly! come forth 2007! come forth North America~! come forth Toronto! come forth New York! come forth changes! may the world pour into my life! so many places to see, so many things to do!!!! Davos man i will be.

2005-12-25T05:17:00.000+08:00

you'll know an awesome and amazing christmas when it happens. this year was cool, last year was cool, next year will be cooler - but yeah not amazing or awesome. Paris, ice skating underneath the Effiel Tower, a carriage ride watching the snow fall on the Champs Elysee with someone special. that'll be miraculous cause apparently it doesn't snow till feburary. maybe someday, someone - no one knows the details - but romance lives as elusive as quicksilver, still it lives.

so it started with dinner at Brazillian with cheech, ming and da. wine at ming's with da cheech n ming till da left and Aaron came. lazy lizard's hoegarden after - not a good experience cause cheech puked all over me. "it was the gas!" ming drove me home and i ran into the house half naked stunning my parents in the process. showered, changed clothes - and i was out again. cruising and crowing out oldies like Lionel Richie's Hello, Glen Campbell's Rhinestone Cowboy and Billy Joel's I love you the way you are was awesome. gave the present, returned ming's car to the parents, had a christmas smoke at the bus stop and then headed out to clarke quay cause ming's VIP friends were supposed to get us into MOS which did not materialize. so it was ming cheech ming's NY friend Neil Fong n i playing drinking games at One Night Stand. thankfully there was limited alcohol. ming wanted to run a tab and he ordered one bottle of vodka on top of the shots and beer - luckily Neil went to close the tab and cancel the Stolichniya ( however fuck you spell it my Russian's no good ) or else i think the Government will need to order a clean up of the Singapore river next year considering how Cheech already puked once for the night - on ME i must add. eventually Christmas ended with supper at the usual Al-Azhar cause they don't sell prata in New York. like i said, it was cool it was fun - but not mind blowingly amazing. still it was greatly appreciated.

next christmas i won't be smelling all your smokes n sipping wine in the equatorial heat and humidity of ming's balcony. Christmas in New York, man i can just imagine... like i always tel the boys- better days ahead.

you'll never know what i feel. you'll never know what i've thought.i couldn't talk about it. probably i didn't want to talk about it. didn't want to put you in a spot. because no matter what is said it doesn't matter. it does not matter anymore. but the memories will always be there. i guess its karma. you were the first. and now you're another closed chapter in the book of life.

another 4 months, time passes by quickly.

another year gone by, another 10 mths till ORD, another 11 mths till the Big Holiday, another 20 months till a fresh start.

this place is just too small, too sian, and too boring for me.

2005-12-24T07:21:00.000+08:00

they trashed my place upside down after angmoh n amogh started bringing on the magaritas with extra tequila and a hell lot of wine. been a long time since i saw the boys, it was good. sort of cleaned up... yes sort of...before amogh alex n chethan went home n i left for ming's. dude's jetlaged and asleep now with no clothes and no undergarments because American Airlines/Japan Airlines lost his luggage. HAHAHAHA. Big evil has finally returned from the land of the free and the home of the brave. fuck i need to sleep.

thankfully it was not depressing like last week. maybe its the christmas cheer, maybe two bottles of Jose Cuerva with 1 bottle of magarita mixer and 1 bottle of orangina ain't enough - but when we got high we were still full of cheer.its good to know that there's love out there in the world even if you haven't found it yet. haha so after strong magaritas and lots of wine, i wake up the next afternoon in someone else's bed. thanks a lot for coming boys, it was a ball of a day even though most of you were at least 2 hours late.

here's wishing all my buddies a Merry Christmas and happier days to come in the coming year.

2005-12-23T12:32:00.000+08:00

6 rewrites and i still can't get it right.

getting you a present for Christmas - same question: does it matter at all?

filling the days till the New Year with happy things to do.

wrapping up university applications

Mambo with ming, cheech, da and everyone else.

Wala Wala chill out with Alex the Unexpected groupie

catch Chronicles of Narnia

MOS with the boys on NYE

then its 2006 and time to be a hardcore rugby player for 10 months.

by then you'll either be in or i'll have written you out

life's full of its unanswered questions - what if? should have? could have? maybe? - and a whole closet of regrets to contend with. all of which doesn't matter.

and then you asked me.

does it really not matter? or do you just want it to not matter?

you hold the answer so don't ask me.

the song that's top of my playlist this festive season.
Aerosmith - Cryin
There was a time
When I was so broken hearted
Love wasn’t much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned, yeah
’cause me and them ways have parted
That kind of love was the killin’ kind
Now listen
All I want is someone I can’t resist
I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed

I was cryin’ when I met you
Now I’m tryin’ to forget you
Love is sweet misery
I was cryin’ just to get you
Now I’m dyin’ cause I let you
Do what you do - down on me

Now there’s not even breathin’ room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we’re makin’ love
Must be one and the same

It’s down on me
Yeah I got to tell you one thing
It’s been on my mind
Girl I gotta say
We’re partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you give to me
Takes my breath away
Now the word out on the street
Is the devil’s in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
It’s a fire I can’t resist

I was cryin’ when I met you
Now I’m tryin’ to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin’ just to get you
Now I’m dyin’ cause I let you
Do what you do to me

’cause what you got inside
Ain’t where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain’t love
If you give your heart away

I was cryin’ when I met you
Now I’m tryin’ to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin’ just to get you
Now I’m dyin’ just to let you
Do what you do what you do down to me,
Baby, baby, baby

I was cryin’ when I met you
Now I’m tryin’ to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin’ when I met you
Now I’m dyin’ cause I let you
Do what you do down to , down to, down to, down to
I was cryin’ when I met you
Now I’m dyin’ to forget you
Your love is sweet
I was cryin’ when I met you
(fade)

2005-12-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

MOS is way cool. well everything except the long queue that is. its just too bad i don't drive a flashy Ferrari/Porsche/Aston Martin/(any other branded sports car)- wait i don't even drive - how pathetic is that. but anyway there are a hell lot of different rooms playing all sorts of funky music, the main dance floor ain't really as crowded as Zouk on a Mambo night even though the R&B section is one helluva tight gay squeeze. An older and more cosmopolitan crowd as well. but still one can't say for sure that its really BETTER than Zouk.

a lack of familiar faces last night - kinda unlike mambo where everywhere i turn is someone i know. saw Alex Chew n Johnny Chang probably with their SAS friends. in the end, it descended into just my Heineken bottle and i looking down on the dance floor when arif finally got bored n left. no credit card is really no fun. fucking shoestring budget. but will be back with the classmates soon when the whore gets in from Manhatten. then let the mayhem and chaos reign. flaming lambos, waterfalls,shots, bottles bottles bottles... there is limited time left to party haha.

now gotta run off to Holland V, start n finish writing my Christmas Cards and then meet McCurdy n Amogh for a few drinks at Wala. then its an early morning tomorrow to prepare for the long day ahead before the BBQ. wine list would include 2 Cabernet Sauvignons, 1 Shiraz and 1 Chardonnay. budget wine. budget budget budget - i hate that fucking word.

2005-12-18T03:21:00.000+08:00

in the dark backyard, lit by the burning of cigarette buds i wonder why it has to be so complicated when all we ever wanted was to be there, provide love, care and concern, share in troubles or make the troubles go away ? as wisps of cigarette smoke floated into the air - i ask why? why me? why him? and him? and him? a year ago you made one of them punch a mirror now you leave another seemingly wirthing in emotional agony. why do we hurt so much even though we know its not worth it because they don't care? why are we no longer innocent, idealistic and happy? why do we carry so much in our hearts now? make it all go away. please.there are reasons why some of them smoke and drink so much these days, but as the saying goes "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." i just thought some of you should fucking realize that you all are not totally absolved of responsibility for their downtrodden state.it hurts to watch.

we were happiest when all we wanted was to win the gold in our various sports. when honour, pride and glory was everything. now those ideals stand empty and somehow all that remains is brotherhood. when i said that my soul was steadily poisoned black and i laughed in devious tones - he said you know that there will always be people who care for you. but whether this corruption has eaten into my bones i am not sure.

i know we all miss those days when we wore white, when the honour of the green black and white meant everything to us. then we were truly happy. that's why we couldn't help but drink the first toast to "the Rafflesian Family so screw you glenn!" and sing it so loudly and with so much pride when we were high. now...i wonder what we have all descended into. it doesn't matter - none of us seems to be truly happy. its not worth it but why do we still hurt. why do we still feel the pain.

we know that its the wrong direction but we still trudge along the same path. we say we want out but we always end up not being able to let go. we are weak. day by day i seem to be getting weaker in all senses of the word. argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.

i want answers. i need a resolution. but then would i be happy? probably not. but at least i will be able to enter the cocoon of sterilization and desansitization - to focus on what can make me truly happy - to have the power to protect, to annihilate and most importantly to win. sure i might get lonely but it really isn't something i haven't been living with.

one week.

2005-12-15T12:19:00.000+08:00

till the return of the advocate of endless nights of al-azhar, alcohol, clubbing, marlboros and dunhills - in my instance however it would be Cohibas, from the hodlums of the Big Apple. carrying with him the full force of American debauchery and sin. mmmm mamamia.....even Lao Lee admited in TIME magazine that they have the superior system.

some day. the bright lights of the city will embrace us in its fold - New York, Los Angeles, Shanghai or Singapore - it doesn't matter as long as we're sitting comfortably on top of the food chain. its more than an ambition, its our birth right and rightful destiny. i was made for greater things than this. remember that night in August. remember 'enjoy the lamb chop. its on the house. after that get the FUCK out of my hotel.' remember better days lie ahead for us all.

last night at alley, we poured out a bottle of Moet & Chandon - one of the finer things in life. there was the future, brotherhood, principles, NY'06, and to the stupid dick who's already there. thanks for being there at alley and later at zouk bro. you have no idea how much i appreciate it.

as i struck the match and threw it into the bin, watching the fire work up to a magnificent height, i saw the flames purge those pathetic feelings. and i laughed. not a joyous laughter. but a cackle lined with jaded realism. for i have grown up. now invulnerable. knowing that all that is confined to a Hollywood Studio or books written by authors of ancient times who are dead and whose works reflect those times that are long gone.

Sex For Dinner, Death For Breakfast - throw in a few alcoholic cocktails and cool toys - what a life.

2005-12-14T15:37:00.000+08:00

James Bond movies are such a catharsis. devilishly suave and in control to the point of nonchalance. the theme songs like Shirley Bassey's Diamonds are Forever, Sheryl Crow's Tomorrow Never Dies and Garbage's The World Is Not Enough also reflect the transience and lack of attachment of Mr. Bond's stunning love affairs. hmmm... was hooked a long time ago, just rediscovering the feeling.

2005-12-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

yeow kuan just woke me up from the most terrible dream. what i remember was that i was a student at some Japanese sumo academy and i kept getting smashed by the other students in the ring. then there was this scene of a boy crying in a corner. after answering the phone call, i crumbled back onto the bed moaning and groaning. what a fucked up dream. fubar indeed.

2005-12-09T00:39:00.000+08:00

exactly one year on and another batch of fine young men who take pride in having once don the green black white and fought for its honour on the rugby fields have come through the ranks. in the times spent with them, certain life lessons have been imparted to me - lessons that will no doubt stand myself and these former comrades in arms in good stead in the years to come. for once in my life i have come to know what its like to win and more importantly the mark of what it takes to be a winner. he was right, clinging on to the past, does one no good, never let the contours of memories trap you within the past. and so its time i ended it with the cliche and firmly condemn it all to history. auspicium melioris aevi.

still there's a future that we walk towards. Paris, with your Champs Elysee, your Effiel Tower, your Lourve, your moonlit cafes by the Seine, i will come to you some day darling.

I'm a legionnaire
Camel in disrepair
Hoping for a frigidaire to come passing by
I am on reprieve
Lacking my joie de vive
Missing my gay paris
In this desert dry

And I wrote my girl
Told her I would not return
Terribly taken a turn
For the worse now I fear

It's been a year or more
Since they shipped me to this foreign shore
Fighting in a foreign war
So far away from my home

If only summer rain would fall
On the houses and the boulevards
And the side walk bagatelles it's like a dream
With the roar of cars
And the lulling of the cafe bars,
The sweetly sleeping sweeping of the Seine.
Lord I don't know if I'll ever be back again.

La la la la dam
La la la low

Medicating in the sun
Pinched doses of laudanum
Longing for the old fecundity of my homeland
Curses to this mirage!
A bottle of ancient Chiraz
A smattering of distant applause
Is ringing in my poor ears

On the old left bank
My baby in a charabanc
Riding up the width and length
Of the Champs Elysees

If only summer rain would fall
On the houses and the boulevard
And the side walk bagatelles it's like a dream
With the roar of cars
And the lulling of the cafe bars
The sweetly sleeping sweeping of the Seine
Lord I don't know if I'll ever be back again

If only summer rain would fall
On the houses and the boulevard
And the side walk bagatelles its like a dream
With the roar of cars
And the lulling of the cafe bars
The sweetly sleeping sweeping of the Seine
Lord I don't know if I'll ever be back again...

Be back again,
Be back again,
I'll be back again

2005-12-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

in a dream he told me, 'never lose to anyone, never fall for anyone and you'll be ok.'

2005-12-05T16:55:00.000+08:00

ever since that tour, i have been thinking and viewing certain instituitions with a profit making frame of mind - all the places where i have chow, have drinks, club. the f&b and entertainment industry is an area where there is much moolah to be made.
in my opinion, fine dining is a creative art as well as a money making machine.

i will always remember his quote "why do you want to sell char kway teow when someone can open a stall right beside you? we don't want to be another Tony Romas, its all about having a unique competitive edge that is very difficult to erode."

a good example. Nasi Lemak at Adam Road. ate there twice last week. with two stalls side by side, you wonder how does the less popular stall make profits? one stall has people calling up to order takeout in the dozens while the other survives on the measely few who are unwilling to weather the queue of the other stall. get the picture?

so the classmates used to take about opening their own cafe/pub. nice as it sounds a lot more thought, vision, personality and dynamisim has to be put into the business concept in order to get an approved bank loan to start up, let alone create a sustainable long term profit making enterprise. the keyword lies in unique.

corduroy & finch at six avenue seems to be a business concept worthy of a visit. gotta find a date for that.

now on to clubs. chinablack is obviously a place which targets the ah-beng-ah-lian crowd, with its watered down tequila shots and crap ass music on a normal night. zouk on the other hand brings in the high flyers as well as the commonfolk, i was going to say scum but i always remind myself that i have no right to judge. i don't think i can comment on starting up nikhil's corny idea of a name for a club: IndiaWhite, given my limited exposure. so next year, Pegasus ( Shanghai ), C Club (Hong Kong), Dragon I (Hong Kong) , Double Six n Hard Rock (Bali) during the Aussie holiday season - anyone?

on another note, they come and they go, but there are also those that stay. and i shall quote one now.

"Well, since I am talking to Mr Tan now I
should say something about him: mr tan is
one of those you can't seem to shake off. When
you are lonely and feeling low he is always there
to shake you out of your misery with his special
method. You feel like you never have to give
him any special attention because he is always
there. Also, he sends really good songs. Well,
in case you are starting to think I am his loyal
fan, he is also fucking annoying. His special
method involves his usual greeting:
"hey slut","whore!","fuck!" or the dreaded
nudge! Then when you get really really annoyed
he starts being nice like a little kid, then the
senses and maturity start coming back. Also,
I laugh at all his problems and constantly
give him shit for his definition of "problems".
Then, we spend the rest of the conversation
upkeeping his many many girls, ticking their
names off as we go along, making sure his
emotional status is stabilized before we proceed
as failure to do so would result in a dreaded
nudge. You look at Mr Tan and you see so
many things that you do not want to be, then
you look again and you see those things you
have failed to see. He can go a full conversation
acting like a mature young adult and then tell u:

"*********************************************"
Thats how silly he is. But in all honesty, as
much as I dread his messages, it would
be weird waking up one day and not seeing
the orange msn tab flash-its just something
that I wouldnt be used to. Thanks for
always bothering to impose yourself."

there won't be anymore problems, my friend, only nusiances - that's what they are now. mere games and nusiances. they come and they go. they might happen but life's full of more important things to do. not to mention the many who are here to stay too. As Camus would say, "In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." and i shall say, its not about being cool its about being ice cold.

2005-12-04T06:00:00.000+08:00

His Epitaph.
herein lies the ruins of the boy who would give everything for love; the boy who would let love burn him and drive a stake through his heart. whether his selflessness and willingness to stake it all on this round of Russian Roulette in the game of love will be known to the rest of the world does not matter. may he rest in peace.

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as the sun sets and the crescent moon hangs brightly in the night sky, the ice cold flesh wriggles to life and rises from the musty integuements of the tomb. a creature of the night, a creature of darkness, a creature of sin - but we all are sinners, whores, shallow in more ways than one, so who has the right to judge but God? with what measure ye meets, it shall be measured to you in return. - a creature who drains the pure warmth of love into his veins but always awakes from his eternal slumber hungry for more. knowing only how to take and not to give. knowing only to fulfill the carnal cravings and you ask what of its heart for every living creature ought to have one? to quote C.S Lewis, 'Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.' If it had a heart that's what it would be ice cold - unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

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last night we toasted to the greater past, and the greater future. whoever said that the present is a gift is sadly mistaken, fuck the asshole who came up with that - at least for now. the greater past can only be looked upon with nostalgia and longing. but the greater future - that can be looked forward to with hope and burning desire. and in that hope, we made a toast over baccardi rum to the beautiful stars and stripes - with everything that it stands for.

2005-12-03T12:59:00.000+08:00

i will always be fine and i will always understand. even if i ain't. but who would know? haha. no one in this whole wide world. Forster was right when he remarked in Passage to India, "after centuries of carnal embracement, man is no nearer to understanding man." Mr. Donne, you have been mistaken when you remarked that 'no man is an island' because we are all islands trying to form a continent - but just ain't able to get there.