ramblings....

sitting in a swensen's chowing on $1.39 topless 5 ice cream talking about things that don't matter is fun, but the guilt it induces at the end is tormenting. its the kind of thing one should do when one has free time to spare, i really should have been gymming or mugging. missing out on ice cream to go and gym or swim, might seem like missing out on the good things in life in exchange for physical torment. but it ain't. its even more fulfilling when u step out of the pool or after gymming, a sense of accomplishment. it takes discipline i guess to impose such a lifestyle. reading TIME magazine, i felt insane guilt. here's someone of my age, making waves breaking records in the pool while i sit my sorry ass in a chair n bum n eat ice cream. "motivation machine," "phenomenal blend of muscle and motivation." i wish i was like that too. i may never break a world record, may never win an Olympics gold, but at least i got to know that i tried to live life in a fulfilling way. if only... "phenomenal blend of muscle, motivation and brain."

and having thrown away a letter from the Firefly scholarship board, i felt like i was cutting my roots and burning bridges. but its good to know that these are the bridges that you don't ever want to use. for freedom. for big money. for being a somebody instead of a government lackey. and yes, for being a quitter. they say winners don't quit and quitters don't win. well i don't even want to run the Great Singapore Rat Race, let alone win, so might as well quit. and here's 2 fingers to your face. ..|.. ..|..