Father i have sinned.

for all i've said i still have not found myself. but after the events of the past week i have hardened my resolve. i have plunged to the pits and tried to run from it, i must stand and fight. in ancient greece, when a man died they would only ask one question, "did he have passion?" who i want to be, what i want to become - it is all within my control. i have found my idols and this time they're not as close or as humanly vulnerable.

life's a mess and i'm losing touch with the few things that can help me turn it around. i wish i could find my own isolated retreat to train, to instill the virtue of discipline, to become better. its very difficult to see what is so appealing about being part of this mess known as our world.

its nice to sit down and talk about our dreams for the future and how far we have come from days long gone. but frankly speaking, it isn't as great as talking about it the way we did. over some hardcore lifting, cursing and frustration venting.

i know what you need, but all i have is the same word : sorry.