I Have No Sense of Responsibility

i am the son no one deserves or needs. the prodigal child looking with longing at far away lands, but i will not ask for any inheritance and neither will i return to seek forgiveness and love.

today i threw away the house keys by mistake and to that my mother remarks with casual contempt and disgust " its alright he just takes this place as some kind of hotel. he's just looking for the reception to replace the keys. everyday he leaves the house early in the morning and comes back late at night to sleep. just the other day he couldn't even be bothered to get out of bed to close the windows even though it was raining. " i did not stand there seething in anger. all i had to say was, "that is true. i can't wait to check out."

woman you were always right when you said i was self obessed/absorbed.i own nothing here, i don't feel responsible for the many things that i ought to. they say its nation first, family second, self last. but somehow it doesn't work for me. singapore where i was born and bred is just some kind of halfway house for me. i do not understand the word home because i don't think i have ever truly felt it. day by day i find myself hanging on to fewer and fewer things here. i am a prodigal son, the tainted, the undeserving, one who deserves no return, one who will never return. i am turning into their disappointment of a lifetime and yet i still think i am right. i am close to being the most horrible person on earth and i can hardly be bothered.