Lobo

I am a lobo. Currently living in the crack of the system; living on once or twice a week MCs ever since i got into the stupid car park job.

this is a typical working day without an mc.
get up at 5am to catch the first 190 and first MRT to Pasir Ris. reaches the godforsaken ferry terminal at 7am. Staring into space from 7am to 12pm, opening the gate once in a while for vehicles. Looks at the out ration Muslim food from BMTC sch 2 which is supposed to be my lunch. grimaces in disugst and hurls it into the bin. Afternoon nap/tan in the stuffy aerospace convention centre. wake up at 1630. sometimes i get to go home @ 5. more often than not i get to leave @ 730. I am spoilt. i take a cab which costs an obscene amount of money because i do not want to eat dinner at Indian dinner time or to squeeze with working people in their nice clothes while i am in this ugly camo shit.

doesn't it suck? now while on MC, i'm @ home watching the First Season of OC which i now own on DVD. see the huge disparity. well rumour has it that i'll be outta that shit hole soon. that'll mean attaching out, playing ball again. way cool. rumour had better be fact - i hate travelling to the East apart from going to the airport.

In the academic sense, i am also a lobo. Though you might claim that most NS dudes are but i'm a unique case. haha. I do not have a school to go to. No NUS, no SMU, no NTU -zlich- nothing. No overseas college. No "1000 year enslavement bond" plan to our all so wonderful government and its related subsidaries. Once again, living in a crack of the system.

but no worry, i'll just try again at the end of the year. This time, i won't screw it up. gotta do SAT II again - United States history and Math IIC. this time i'll start studying 2 months before hand. go back to rj to get recommendations from rolly and mr. mac again. just hope they'll be free to help. write college essays. go for Spanish class.

but well, everything still hinges on me getting posted out. then it'll be my hardened resolve to study. maybe for once there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Mum's right, its all about how you make it out to be. keep cursing and swearing about it and things will never turn around. even if they do you won't be aware of it. at the same time, you'll miss out on all the positives that are actually in your life right now. so i'll just do what i ought to do; focus on the that golden ray of light. the beckoning freedom of the USA in a year and a half.

picked this song off the OC. real cool.

Fountains of Wayne - All Kinds of Time
The clock's running down
The team's losing ground
To the opposing defense
The young quarterback
Waits for the snap
When suddenly it all starts to make sense

He's got all kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time

He takes a step back
He's under attack
But he knows that no one can touch him now
He seems so at ease
A strange inner peace
Is all that he's feeling somehow

He's got all kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time
He's got all kinds of time
All kinds of time

[Bridge]
He thinks of his mother
He thinks of his bride-to-be
He thinks of his father
His two younger brothers
Gathered around the widescreen TV

He looks to the left
He looks to the right
And there in a golden ray of light
Is his open man
Just as he planned
The whole world is his tonight

Knowing who you are - is knowing your past and ultimately your future

its been almost two weeks since i went out of course, still languishing in the agony that is Tekong. But the extra time has helped to put things into perspective and pull me back from the brink of depression. It'll be a matter of time before i get out of the horrid place for good. the whole damn experience has strengthened my belief in my identity and the values i stand for. there is nothing the SAF can do to change that. I know my role models, who i am and what i will be. just so happens none of it has anything to do with the SAF. or even this shit hole to be precise.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

been going for sevens over the past 2 weekends. SCC preliminaries and the IRB Sevens. i miss being out there on the field, part of a team that has tradition, will and dedication. unlike in the army where you're always thrown into a unit with screwed up commanders and filled with people of all sorts of attitudes, some good most terrible, all unwilling to be there just like yourself. gonna try and spend more time with the juniors - they lost in the finals by 2 tries. they went to sleep in the first 3 minutes i guess, absolute screw up but i guess no one would actually expect a team to play sevens completely using crash ups and pick n gos. the j2s are good enough to retain the Police Cup but there's still work to be done. hopefully i can try to be there to help em out. looks like life's back to the same old story and i ain't complaining heh.