ante bellum - the calm before the storm

i glimpsed the future at the bus stop. i saw it in their eyes, i smelt it in the cigarette smoke in the air, they chaffed and i could hear it in the tones that drifted in the air...'and you think you're so great...soon you'll be amongst us when you drown in your dreams.' it echoed in my ears and despite trying to block it out with my mp3 player it continued to resonate in my head.

fear and trepidation gripped me as the cold sweat dripped down my head on the bus home. leaving them behind, their words didn't stop coming as they consumed my soul. the icy cold water that rushed down my head did nothing to cleanse my soul, instead the feeling was akin to doing a 12G spin and the blood rushed from my head leaving me on the verge of collapse...

i can see the hordes amassing on the frontier, a facelss mass of black and white. i can hear their chuckles as the clouds of war gather. soon they will smash into the thinly fortified walls of my kingdom. my dreams. my aspirations. as guardian of this temple, i have failed in my duty to bring pride and glory to the name, decadence has led to degration and inaptitude. i pray a thousand prayers for thine own death. even then, to perish in battle is better than to perish an unknowing fool. to die without making a stand is the act of a coward. even Custer the old fool made a stand. i will ride out and meet the devils for all its worth. they might say me unwise, but let no man call me a coward. O think me worth thine anger, punish me, burn off my rusts and deformity as the last die is cast. gather what strength i have left and pour forth into the heat of battle. at the gates, fate will deal the decisive hand. pattern out the judgement then.

benedict ..|..

this is what u get for asking me to break my hiatus and blog. now, after today's Measure for Measure revision lecture i feel enlightened by the need for virtue to shine forth instead of leading cloistered lives that us 'stupid' academic students have. yes. while people are making money out there, we are in school, knee deep in shit.

our virtues are locked up in the academic world and we expound facts and theories without being out there to experience it. to understand the psychology of economics and risk management, my advice is to bet and gamble. yes, take the cue from my SAJC friends. people i haven't seen in a while. those who threw caution to the wind and bought Manchester United last night probably made a windfall.

just like any model economics essay, there is always the element of ceteris paribus and however. when ceteris paribus is mentioned here, it refers to actually winning. well basically if you don't win you have three consequences. the less dire consequence that results from caution requires you to eat air till your debts are paid. if one fails to heed caution, debts will mount. and finally you end up on the street or is forced to quit school and work at macdonald's.

HOWEVER. if one is fucking filthy rich - this sounds nice, emphasis by alliteration, one can afford to put 20,000 dollars on a soccer match just for the kick of it. oh so you want to up the stakes benedict? fine. i say 500,000 dollars on Ryanair stocks. for your information Ryannair is an European budget airline that is undercutting established airlines like Lufthansa, British Airways and Air France and turning over handsome profits. furthermore, the budget carrier market is set to grow in the near future as firms continue to slash business costs and reduce unnecessary expenditure on flying business class. 500,000 dollars? what is 500,000 dollars going to be to us in the future man. by potential income theory, it will be peanuts to us in the future. but who in the world is going to believe us when we say we're going to make it big and spit in your face and sue you till your balls fall from ur scrotum??? no one. so we are back to square one. sorely lacking in capital, without any ability what so ever to take risks and let our virtues shine forth.

but there's a catch. will you even have a future if you don't go to school? that is another dispute for another day. once again benedict, take this ..|..

i've enough of this shit.

upon failing maths and listening to crap coming from the row behind us.....

tziyang: don't you just want to shoot him right through the back of his head?
me: yes fucking right through the back of his head

moments later...

dad on sms: we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then is not an act, but a habit. - aristotle
my reply: that's very discouraging..i'd rather stick to arrogance n pride drives one to excellence

enough is enough. i'm too arrogant to call it quits and admit defeat against this biased fucked up system . i'm too arrogant to bow my head and say that i'm lousier than any of you.i'm different and there those of you who are too...when they enter the real world they'll find out that all their stellar grades will count for nought. my mother would say that all this is negative energy that's detrimental. bullshit. energy is energy, as long as its harnessed, it don't matter what form it is. i've had enough of this shit, its all a matter of personal pride now. i'm a fighter and i'm too proud to give up till i succeed. i can lose the battle, but i will never lose the war.

back to reality

after 4 days at paradiz lan centre playing DOTA for an approximate total of 28 hours, virtual reality has faded. and i have been brought back to the REAL world when i returned to school to face my stupid prelim results.

i have come to two conclusions, no. 1: i am lazy. no. 2: correction, i am very very lazy. should i have studied harder for prelims>??? could i have studied harder for prelims? undoubtedly so. 1 month countdown. starts today. ARGH...f.u.c.k must freaking hell study econs... its so screwed up i'm sure we deserve these kinda fuck grades. sherman and gabriel we're fucking going for tuition at zac's....no time to hesitate liao

from now on, eminem will be my inspiration, and you - my dream.

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin' roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin' and stepwritin' the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin' the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my nine to five
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer
This is my life, and these times are so hard
And it's getting even harder tryin' to feed and water my seed, plus
Teetertotter caught up between bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama screamin on and too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin' option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go with my shot, feet fail me not
This may be the only opportunity that I got

ps: hi stef! how's georgetown??? haha by the time i get there u graduate already =P

ABBA - fernando

been listening to this song and sending it to people that matter online. i always say life's bittersweet, and it is, but one must never forget the sweetness of it all.
the past few days have reminded me of how important brotherhood is, when the going gets tough they are always the ones you rely on. and yes, this song is a perfect toast to that. the future may beckon, but all of you are a part of it.

on another note, i had Georgetown admissions interview today at the American Club, i've a good mind to email Columbia and change my application to regular decision now. lynette and the others were right, and i was only deluding myself, SFS is where i want to be & today's interview cemented that view. to be a part of it all, to be one of them, what would i give? everything, except all of you who have given my life meaning and made the tough journey so enjoyable...

They were closer now, Fernando
Every hour, every minute seemed to last eternally
I was so afraid, Fernando
We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die
And I'm not ashamed to say
The roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry

There was something in the air tonight
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, Fernando
Though we never thought that we could lose
There's no regret
If I had to so the same again
I would my friend, Fernando
If I had to do the same again
I would my friend, Fernando

Now we're old and grey, Fernando
Since many years I haven't seen a rifle in your hand
Can you hear the drums, Fernando
Do you still recall the faithful night we crossed the Rio Grande
I can see it in your eyes
How proud you were to fight for freedom in this land

MAMMA MIA!

platinum experience tickets that cost 265 dollars must never go to waste man. i had 5 glasses of champagne before the performance itself, listening in on conversations between important people - so this is what the high life is like - lawyers and their clients. my big time will come, and i'm looking forward to it. the seats were awesome, close to the stage and in the middle, not to mention a goodie bag with a cd and other gimmicks. but the performance was the best part, totally blew me away, you gotta watch it to believe it. ABBA totally rocks... classics never die.

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, fernando
Though I never thought that we could lose
There’s no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, fernando

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I’ve missed you
Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.