Now this is the deal.

after immense deliberation,advice and pondering, followed by research, more advice and pondering and more research. I have finalized my plans for college which are as follows:

Early action to Georgetown's Walsh School of Foreign Service
Why? because its the best school for what I want to study - international policy. distinguished alumini, reputable faculty and the spirit and nature of the school that comes across is very much something i am akin to. besides Washington D.C is a great place and mr rollason gave me some hope when he said one of his students won a merit-based scholarship from there that was very generous and covered almost all expenses.

If....then I will try
Regular decision to Columbia, Brown, New York, UNC Chapel Hill, UCLA and University of British Columbia.

very happy with the one esasy that i've written so far and as long as i keep working hard i'm keeping my fingers crossed. i just might make it.

Scholarship with accompanying serfdom, or freedom? I choose to retain my freedom.

Quotes

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
- Alexander Pope

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle
hey
don't write yourself off yet
it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
just try your best
try everything you can
and don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away


hey you know they're all the same
you know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in
live right now
just be yourself
it doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else


it just takes some time
little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
everything everything will be just fine
everything everything will be all right


do your best
do everything you can
don't you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say

its been quite amazing....

today was seriously literature overload, with Lit. day and Harold Pinter's - The Caretaker. I thought the class did a really good job with the lit day performance considering it was seriously last minute. I wished i didn't have to act as Captain Grimes but there really wasn't much choice. -glares- Mr Mc. was really great in The Caretaker, he was fantastic as the vagrant, his acting is really top notch. The indian dude acting as Aston was really cool too, especially during his solo recount of his experiences in the mental asylum.

well on the way home on 75, I was talking to Brandon about life in general. And we had to agree on the ways in which our experience in the humanities programme has changed us and also how our classmates have changed us. bascially, being taught by the Brits is an all new experience from being taught by the local teachers, its like being exposed in some manner to another culture, another way of life. The complete way of life that is above the rat race. apart from being a teacher, they do so many other things out of college. i mean life's a lot more than a 9-5 and money. the mindset we have is so different from those of the science stream. its hard to describe and justify but its true. as we chase our dreams, we always remember that there is more to life than what we perceive. so we really must grab all the opportunities to go out there and live life the way we want to.

meanwhile, our struggle continues.

the need for better leadership in our world

been reading up on John Kerry and John Edwards a lot in the papers, on the net and in TIME magazine these past few weeks. since the start i've been keeping tabs on the reports and speeches of the various speakers at the Democratic Convention 2004. there are those who may call Kerry, "stiff and halting" or simply uncharismatic. but from what I know, Kerry is the one who has the vision, foresight and character to pull America out of her current crisis.

we all know the Republicans are wealthy, influential and powerful. well, they form the majority of the American aristocracy so its hardly suprising. During Bush's reign, a 5.3 trillion budget surplus that could pay for the baby boomers retirement was squandered into a deficit funded by cutting funds for Social Security and Clinton's "Leave No Child behind," as well as by borrowing from foreign governments. Being some of the richest people in the country, the Republicans sure as hell have no concern for the rest of the country. they cut college financial aid and school funding, reducing opportunities and by doing so, restricting the freedom of the American people. going against the very principles set down by the founding fathers in the Declaration of Independence.take a case in point, President George W Bush himself. Yale graduate who was probably allowed to, just because his father was influential and wealthy. I bet he paid someone to do his SATs for him. More importantly he is a spoilt brat with no sense of civic duty, joining the Texas National Guard to escape the draft to Vietnam. Its hardly surprising that today he is willing to risk America's men and women in uniform, because he has never experienced first hand the devastation of war.

Unlike Bush, Kerry, also a Yale graduate values the importance of having the majority on his side because despite his privileaged status his family was never really as rich as Bush's so he ain't a spoilt brat like Bush.He graduated from Yale by his own merit and volunteered for service in Vietnam.

John Kerry is a New England patriot, in the mold of John Adams and John Kennedy.With Kerry at the helm, America will BE a better place. Clearly America has been on the wane ever since Bush was elected President,and the world HAS become a more dangerous place to live in. Come november for the sake of all, i just hope Bush loses his job. and that ends today's ranting by someone who hates spoilt brats who have no sense of others around them.

One day in the distant future...

le enfant terrible will return.

to breathe hellfire, destruction and devastation back into the fold.

to reunite the old kinships that once held sway over this domain

for gryphons and eagles will return

a chance not only to dream... but to believe

i just watched "Miracle" on vcd. the triumph of the USA amateur ice hockey team over the professional and all dominating USSR in the 1980 Lake Placid Winter Olympics.ice hockey is played at blistering pace, and great violence - just my kind of game.but that really isn't the point. for the American players, it was more than a hockey game.2 mths ago, i went through exactly the same thing. i remember every single moment of 26th May 2004, every single moment of the match, from the rain, to the warmup, to the pitch, to the partisan crowds.watching the USA team step out of the locker room and onto the ring, i had the same feeling as when i walked out onto the side pitch to warm up, all pumped up and armoured for the battle.it wasn't about myself, it was about the team, it was about the crest emblazoned across my heart. sacrificing so much of the past 1.5 years just to taste that short sweet moment of victory, it was all worth it. whenever i dream of rugby, its always those same life-changing moments that flash through my mind, reminding me that we didn't dream, we believed.

i watched it again today. don't know why, just felt like it. the moment when they stepped onto the ring and the moment when they got together for their cheer - i experienced those moments before. they're the memories and moments one will treasure forever. one more reason why i don't want to play u19 this year, its never going to be like that, its never even going to get anywhere near the closeness of Raffles. don't want to blemish those moments with fresher memories of getting run to the ground by Japan or Taiwan.i wrote my college essay again after watching the video again. with the memories rushing back,i'm sure its way better than the first draft which just didn't feel like i wrote it.

a dream? or a vision?

"finally." i swivel out of my chair and stare out at the harbour 30 stories below. picturesque ferries chug along the shimmering blue waters of the Atlantic Ocean on its way to the Statue out in the bay. with the work for the week done and the client satisfied, i slipped the folders into my briefcase and saunter out of the office. moments later, i'm crusing along the freeway in my Mercedes SLK class, decked out in a singlet and shades, heading for JFK international. Barbados and the family are only hours away.

R&R - Reflection & Ranting

1) feels different, no pride and no desire. 
2) denigrating for my self esteem
3) don't belong there
4) need to focus on studying
5) future that is at stake here is possibly worth millions
 
so i have come to the conclusion that i should quit rather than risk the chance of missing out on a place in upenn, or new york or UNC.
 
on the flip side, despite getting trounced by a bloody touring school from the UK which is just  disgusting for a national youth squad, i have an insight into why they're so much better than us. simple reason is because their education system allows it. in Western countries there isn't this immense academic drive, people are allowed to development the way they want to. yes that means that there will be failures, but there will also be many more successes. People who can play sports, do drama, play music, be intellectual - basically do everything. education is all rounded. no one ever has to worry about fighting for the immensely small number of scholarships, universities and the federal government provides financial aid for those interested in and have the credentials to go to college.  
 
Mr Mc. talked about public school ethos somewhat today. He mentioned Rugby as a game that is a big part of the public school system, because it builds character - the kind needed to create servants of the Empire. Tough and rough both physical and mentally but yet at the same time understanding that 'going it alone' never works and you will always need a close knit team to depend on. now that the Empire is defunct, the same ethos which i believe i have been exposed to in RJ humanities n rugby is used to produce the leaders of tomorrow. i have changed much over the course of playing REAL rugby in the past 2 years and taking great pride in the Rafflesian code of arms whenever i bear it on the rugby field. playing rugby with that incredible team, they rank as the best or 2nd best ( the J3s were damn gd too) team i have ever played with in all meanings of the word. there were the most important aspects, pride and passion. the national team is different. today i didn't even feel like playing, i take no pride in the flag, in the national anthem, let alone SRU logo, and i can't wait for the day for me to go to college in the States and not come back for many years. i'm not pass my sell-by date, i just lack pride in those "prestigious" national colours, even having some contempt, and i'm not going to pass up a chance to leave. if i want to get physical, there's always 2 years of army ahead of me. i've made up my mind. there isn't going to be anymore deliberation.

stick you.

after a whole day of school and nat. team training i came home to discover hist S essays in my mailbox, i'm still on the mailing list, not sure why, but i ain't very impressed with what i found in the mail. you can call me whatever you want, but seriously i don't think very much of people like shilin n other similar horrible eye sores, think you're brililant? don't think so. you just have so much more time to work on it than the rest of us. i mean if you didn't get A or distinction that would make you the ultimate loser. so you think your place in an ivy league is sealed and so on and so forth, well even if it is. the real world is not as simple as all the academic learning we do in school. the real world is rough, and academic learning doesn't contribute to your survival one bit. some of the best leaders in various fields were never the best students in their day. George Bush never was, neither was McCain and i don't expect Bismarck to be either...and the list goes on and on.  instead of railing at all you stupid muthafuckas out there because i'm tired, i ought to go to sleep because there's sch and a nat team trial match tmr, not to mention planned revision; SO.... just take your supposed fantastic distinctions and boot licking pretensions and shove it up your very ugly ass will you?

i miss the simple life

think i have found the under-lying reason for my current tendencies to dream during econs and some lit lessons, ok the obvious reason is that its boring, underlying reason is that i miss the simple life. there was a time not too long ago when all that mattered was guts and glory; studying and grades were "fuck care till after season" and thus relegated to the trashbin of life . this academic life stinks, even with early morning jogs and some weights sessions, its still so dull and dead to put your mind on things that the world doesn't even need. not like the world will disappear if George Elliot didn't write Silas Marner. maybe these will give you doubts, like Prendy in Decline and Fall, a book i am sure i will grow to like once i dig up some essays on it, as was the case with John Donne. i could do without double period econs tutorials on monday and double period lit on friday so boring it makes me want to puke. ok so maybe some things do matter but still...whatever... up your ass. according to economic theory, my time can be better and more efficiently spent studying, so that i will have time to do other more important stuff in life like playing rugby or writing my Huntsman application essay or even doing/studying math or econs. getting the adrenaline pumping does wonders for the mind and body. today i played against bucks for e Wanderers, the feeling of tackling and making big hits is just wonderful. even scrumming seemed fun. in this life, its simple. look after your buddies, kill or be killed, win or lose - simple.  on the other hand, i want to retire from propping. rugby - yes. prop - no. still that's what i call a kick in life, some of the few things that make life actually worth living for.

what F stands for

it felt like direct blows to my dignity and pride, tearing down the lofty impression i had. the grade read F. F for fail; fucked up; flunk; wait... and also fluke. when you're in the shit and you know it, its a good thing. at least you know you're screwed, try to work it out from there. Because of Euro2004 and all its fucking upsets, I am now in the shit because i happily forgot that such horrible events such as common tests existed, wallowing in the stench of failure. i've had enough of groaning and muttering in defeat like the way they do, actually i never have, i just never bothered, with a big "ah fuck man, fail again. nabei jibai." i'll just walk away from the problem. only to return to it again next time. now, there won't be anymore "again". there aren't too many more next times left. if you sink your head down while you're in the shit, you just keep sinking deeper into it. i'm holding my head up high and i am going to climb out of this hell hole alive and reveling in my achievements. next time it'll be different. next time it'll be me sticking 2 fingers in the air., exclaiming, "i got A! i'm fucking smart!" Cause i am smart. and i'm going to fucking show you. .... that i'm smarter than you.

if i told you i was becoming looney would you believe me?

while sitting through 2 40min blocks of boring lessons on decline and fall and looking at the dismal economics mcq, my brain was obviously not in the correct place. staring through space, my mind drifted to another one of those looney fairy tales. then it hit me. annapolis and west point never take non US citizens but there is one equally elite organization that does: the French Foreign Legion.

enlistment requirements for a legionnaire:
1) holding an official identity card
2) enlistment age between 17 and 40
3) to be physically fit for duty wherever he may be needed.

not too hard.in my opinion...legionnaires have served everywhere on this globe,from Algeria to Europe to Africa and the Far East. Legionnaires have fallen in Dien Bien Phu, in Chad, in Algeria even in France herself. The legionnaires were men of action and honour who have paid for comradeship and the yearning for adventure with their very lives. Some may call them mercenary but it never bothers them. cutting off all ties with their past and their family, they live by the code: legio pastria nostra - the legion is my home. and fellow legionnaires are their only family now. fuck fuck fuck my childhood dreams that smack of idealism, desire for adventure, comradeship, a place where i really belong are catching up with me. i don't know what i am thinking of these days.

to the looney in me:if you really want to be a legionnaire, maybe you should wait till after NS. we'll see if NS changes your view of the world and your view of yourself and how you want your life to go. assure yourself that place in college first, so you'll have the prospect of a relatively successful middle class life to fall back on when you realize that you aren't who you thought you were.then again these thoughts might be springing into my head because of the boredom of the classroom. i wish i knew more clearly who i really am, what is God's plan for me, because somehow i can just feel that i'm different in some way. not cut out to living life normally with the rest of you.

i don't know what to say... its just very... you

this was the comment i got from my classmates n friends who have read my essay. and to joel, no my blog clearly is not representative of girl problems. its bigger than that.

ever read a book which you can do more than relate to? a book which you feel is part of who you are and the way you view the world? no there is no cliched thing about reading a book that changed your life. but there are books and experiences which reinforce your world view, beliefs and values.

been reading "Faith of my fathers" by Senator John McCain. the book's about his life, and that of his father and grandfather in the United States Navy. somehow reading it, reinforces my never to be fulfilled desire of attending one of the service academies, wrestling with the highly disciplined & demanding physical and intellectual regime & living up the codes of honour and tradition. Its not enough to be smart and excel in grades, because in life its more than that. Its one of the rare instances where the lessons and values of life can be introduced and inculcated in an instituition.

Service Academies are not just colleges with a uniform dress code. Their purpose is to prepare you for one profession alone, and that profession's ultimate aspiration is a combat command.

The most important lesson I learned there was that to sustain my self-respect for a lifetime it would be necessary for me to have the honor of serving something greater than my self interest.

all too often,and this isn't a recent feeling. its a feeling i've had for years, i wish i was applying to Annapolis or West Point, instead of where i am applying to. I wish i could serve a order higher than my own self interest, fighting for the ideals of mankind. I wish i could fly Navy fighters off carrier decks in the Pacific, the Med or the Gulf. See the mountains of Afghanistan, the deserts of Iraq, the famed Khyber Pass. lead fellow soldiers- brothers in arms- in the dangerous act of combat. Caring for their welfare but at the same time understanding the common belief in dedication, commitment and honour to service.Few i know will understand how i feel The freedom of the skies,the vastness of the sea, the world at my feet. tim was right when he said the essay's very me - yes i am different. because unlike all of you aspiring towards the Ivy League n a corporate life, that happens to be my second choice. its true, i am just different from everyone around. its only as i grew up that i become more acutely aware of it. no its not a jock syndrome. my values are more extreme, my beliefs more steadfast than the many pragmatists around - that's the difference between you for whom everything above sounds out of this world, inpractical and even horrifying and me.

the essay

i wrote it. but i don't want to put it up. well if you're lucky you might get a chance to see it.

on a sunday...

me: i bet he thinks we're S-T-U-P-I-T
lynette: how ironic, you even botched up the spelling.

zac:ruggers without rugby are losers. like peter parker without the spider sense and the web slinging

wishlist:

for intellectual fulfillment
1) Samuel P huntington - clash of civilizations
2) John McCain - Worth fighting for
3) Iris Chang - Chinese in America

for aesthetic fulfillment
1) slippers
2) quiksilver singlet
3) white boardshorts

weekly resolution: dieting continues during the weekend. i will play rugby again

quick realization: i'm spending a lot of time with my classmates these days. especially the seeming clique.

revelation of the day: paraphrasing the words of a friend who's an intern at citigroup, whatever you learn during your degree or during school for that matter is gay, its just to get you the interview, everything in the financial world is learnt on the job .

thoughts that flashed through my mind while jogging:
1) while materialistic and and consumerism addicted kids of the western world crowd into their macdonald's to hang out and enjoy a milkshake to chill out, for some of the students of rjc, macdonald's represents a health threat & the implication of boredom while studying for stupid exams like the 'A' levels. Instead, after a boring day at macdonald's, we take the odd walk to the Malay coffee shop with the grand name Al-Azhar to enjoy some mee goreng, telok bungkus and milo dinosaur. while the American kids think about what they're going to buy and what new movies are coming out, the sinister asian students bitch about their teachers like the one who reminds me of Godbole with the socks with clocks, thank god she doesn't teach me; chart the murky and treachous road through NS and to college overseas; and when things go beyond control with our homework, next time we'll plot an attempt to take over the world and mail it to the suggestions box of Osama Bin Laden.inc as well as to the CIA.

there's a more impt one..but i don't have the time now. tonight after S4.

crystal ball...crystal ball...what does the road ahead behold?

an hour ago, i was going to post on contemplating the future. after some research, i have been able to have a glimpse of the paths before me. getting into Upenn will have me set on what i want to do. i know what i want to do now, its clear. from now on, i shall wear these ambitions on my sleeve.the future is there for taking and i will grasp it with both hands. now i got to make it into Upenn first. its time to take the evil exams by the horns and wrestle them to the ground.

ST : America's Declaration of Mutual Dependence

its been 2 days since July 4th, the American Independence Day. browsing through the papers today, i came across the above mentioned article and very unusually it caused my depleted brain juices to start flowing again after a long day of school....

228 years ago, in 1776, on this exact same day, the Continental Congress released the unanimous Declaration of Independence of the thirteen united States of America written by the future 3rd President of the USA, Thomas Jefferson. Since the victory of the Continental Army at Yorktown in 1783, America has grown into the world's greatest benevolent superpower to date. America was built on the philosophy of the 18th century Enlightenment thinkers such as John Locke. In the modern 21st century, they remain as important to us today as they were to the founding fathers.

In the article from the Straits times, it draws parrallels between the Continentals victory over the British colonialists and the Cold War victory over the 'evil empire' of the Soviet Union as the late Ronald Reagan would have put it.In both instances, America appealed to the values and ideals of all freedom loving people around the world to stand up against the aggression and tyranny of both despotic regimes. Franklin and Jefferson engaged in a War of Ideas which brought the French into the war. Cold War warrior Ronald Reagan did the same. Not mentioned, but also pertinent was America's involvement in World War II. President Roosevelt ensured that America would bring freedom and liberty back to the oppressed peoples of Europe & Asia.

However what the article also brought up was President Bush's lack of respect for the international community and his administration's flawed, unilaterally based foreign policy in contrast. Speaking from my own knowledge, i have to admit that Bush's policies remind me of President Lyndon B. Johnson in Vietnam. In 1965, the first Marines landed at Da Nang, marking the beginning of an American build up which would reach 500,000 at the height of her commitment. In this conflict, America believed her superior weapons would win the war against the nationalistic Communist forces of North Vietnam. Propping up the corrupt Saigon regime of Diem ensured their defeat in the battle of ideas, the most important battle of all. The superior firepower and technology won battlefield victories but never won the war. The Vietnamese people resented them, later Americans at home came to resent the war, ensuring a rapid withdrawal following the election victory of President Richard Nixon.

Now in 2004, America finds herself similarly embroiled in conflict in Iraq and to a lesser extent Afghanistan. The military lessons of Vietnam have been well learned, but what about the ideological lessons? President Bush's unilateral approach to both problems has alienated traditional allies like France and has drawn the ire of the international community. Their imposition of order through force and blatant use of awesome firepower cannot last forever as the Vietnam debacle of the 60s and 70s has shown. With the number of American boys returning State-side in body bags increasing with each passing day, and a lack of serious international support and cooperation their ability to impose the change they want in these countries is questionable. What Bush needs to understand is that sticking to America's founding principles and ideals have been her greatest strength in all the conflicts she has won. Ideas have proven to be the strongest weapon in the foreign policy arsenal, not the threat borne by a force of arms which is often the first choice of the very tyrants America has vehemently opposed over the cause of her history. The cause of freedom, liberty and justice when coupled with respect for the international community has the ability to enlist legions to aid in this noble cause, that is an infalliable quality of the founding fathers & Bush's failure to grasp it might probably prove the end of his presidency sooner or later, as demonstrated by Lyndon B Johnson.

If Bush continues to fail in grasping the above lesson and embracing the principles and ideals which have guided America for so long, it will mean the end of his presidency, not the ultimate ruin of America.The ideological foundations of the nation are strong and preserve the rights of every individual through the gurantee of freedom & liberty; military and civil service are considered privileges by the people, there are no flaws with America as a country, only flaws of the leader.

I was brought up with media influences and a mother who extolls the ways of the Western world, epitomized by the United States of America. I had a friend in elementary school who would vehemently oppose me on all occasions, proclaiming China as the next superpower. Even though I am of Chinese ethinicity, I daresay then and now, that I would not want to live in the hegemony of an oppressive and dictatorial state which has no qualms about shooting and killing thousands of her own citizens who only protested for their God-given right to have a say in how their country is run. Now in my teenages, i continue to believe in it. I still believe in the ideals which are the pillars of the United States; in the fair and equal opportunities of a nation built by immigrants despite the supposed prejudices which arguably exist; in an American dream.

disclaimer: that's my opinion, if you don't subscribe to it, suit yourself, buzz off. everyone is entitled to their own opinion. its called FREEDOM OF SPEECH. and now i have to go and start a long over due maths tutorial...

the 5 vices

3 days of never coming home earlier than 230am has enlightened me on certain issues.

vice 1: smoking
i hate second hand smoke and so vice 1 is a vice i will permenantly abstain from. period. no change in status here.

vice 2: alcohol
i like to drink, especially the expensive cocktails, whiskeys etc. but no beer. i remember a time when i abstained almost completely from it because of rugby. well those days are over, but no harm imposing restrictions. haven't been drunk in my life, don't intend to be. will enjoy alcohol twice a month on a weekend if there is a need, in minimal portions.slight change in status.

vice 3: clubbing
there were the days i swore off clubbing to ensure my total dedication to winning the championship. well after such a long abstainence, i still say its not really my thing BUT once in a rare while, something happens or you meet a fantastic someone which makes you wonder why don't you club more often? oh right, cause that day there was a bar like atmosphere at first where people could get a drink, sit and talk with music playing softly in e background. no blasting ear pop=ing tunes. so to be fair, no more clubbing in Singapore anymore. only overseas in nice bar/clubs...Bali sounds good... no change in status.

vice 4: betting
lost money on Euro, not so great that i have to run from loansharks but enough to set me back by about an amount i would pay for a pair of boardshorts. no matter if i had bet or not, i would not have enjoyed the horrifying match just now. still no point betting at all from now on, i'd rather just go and buy the boardshorts. absolute change in status.

vice 5: midnight movie
nothing wrong, good movie, chill out at night. always advisable if there is no need to wake up early the next day and there's spare cash for cab. no change in status here.

pros and cons

the cons of going clubbing are plentiful, such as the smell of smoke, consumption of alcohol which is highly taxed etc. today i found one or 2 positives to it, very very very rare positives. like 1 or 2 glittering diamonds among 10 tons of shit, well... it makes my head spin too. enough this is too much for a poor loser like me. lets just say one of the diamonds has given me hope for making it outta here.

Woke up early this morning, made my coffee like I always do.
Then it hit me from nowhere, everything I feel about me and you.
The way you kiss me crazy, baby you're so amazing.

Seven days and seven nights of thunder,
The waters rising and I'm slipping under.
I think I fell in love with the 8th world wonder.

I guess that I'm just falling deeper into something I've never known.
But the way that I'm feeling, makes me realize that it can't be wrong.
Your love's like a summer rain, washing my doubts away.

Seven days and seven nights of thunder,
The waters rising and I'm slipping under.
I think I fell in love with the 8th world wonder.

It's only been a week, but it's coming over me.
It's making me believe that you're the one for me.

Seven days and seven nights of thunder,
The waters rising and I'm slipping under.
I think I fell in love with the 8th world wonder. Kimberly Locke

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

{Chorus}
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along - Dasboard Confession - Vindicated

its over....and i REALLY mean OVER...the time to fight is here

yesterday..which was 3 hrs ago, was the last day of the common tests...Literature PC was the shortest paper i have ever taken in the past 1.5 years, it was only 1.5 hrs long but i finished in 1hr. -shrug- i hope that doesn't mean anything. maths is a goner just like last year's common tests...OK FINE...i WILL/MUST/HAVE TO study harder for math. that ain't too difficult since its just doing more sums which is actually starting to seem like a better prospect than pouring over chunks of Mussolini/Hitler/Stalin et cetera et cetera et cetera.the library beckons from now on.

but anyway been damn relac ever since wednesday went to meet james n alison den we went to his house to watch Holland-Portugal. Portugal went through, thankfully.i didn't go for history S, dropped it. finally...after 6 months of saying i will drop but being lazy to get the form and sign it and give it in. i mean what the hell, screw the 'S' papers they're close to impossible to ace, history being the hardest. besides i doubt the States' unviersities will care. and ya... screw you broni I WILL PAY MY WAY THROUGH, some how, some way which doesn't involve having to suck Singapore government's cock after i graduate. so that i can V and live in a country with 4 seasons and working days that end at 5, not 12. watched spiderman 2 in town with e hist 's' people from my class e next afternoon and played lan for a while with don n his class. met jieming n ter for Azhar b4 the match, ok once gain broni...and yes LOKE you too +P. enough bout the me not being able to pay for dinner incident.we would have run away, is you HUM. -HEHEHE- Anyway had to endure watching my beloved Czech republic get screwed by stupid senile baldy Collina who's in a conspiracy with the Greeks. i mean the jersey pulling at like shoulder level of Jan Koller would even warrent a penalty in rugby, what more soccer. bastard, i wonder how much the Greek FA paid him. maybe Rehagel humped him. --blah--

woke up and went to school for PC paper, without even looking through any past pcs and with 2 words resounding in my brain "fuck greece". window shopping and dinner at breeks after that helped to reduce the tension tearing at my mind. and yes, the Whole Ten Yards is damn bloody funny. crude humour. but what the hell, its funny. sex, guns, people dying, cause they climbed into the car boot and unwittingly got shot, in that show is just one big joke.made for people like me who can understand but just can't appreciate ironic humour aka Evelyn Waugh. people who like the crude style of humour.we talked a lot about what we want to do after A's, which uni we want to go to... i guess its good to plan, but its a long road ahead till hopefully Columbia..and to clubbing/tanning/diving n checking out the Australian chicks in Bali.

going to chill out for the rest of the weekend. tuesday onwards, i'm going on a warpath, i am going to pawn the A level's head and get a place in a US uni.think its just the right time to step up 2 gears in this formula one race. i've plenty of spare gas in the tank and i'll be raring to go. i'm quite an optimist, my logic, if i slack and get BBDE or BBCE or BBCO or BBDO, i really wonder how well i will do if i really study very hard for it.10 weeks to lose 6 kilos and improve my grades to AAAB. just like rugby, discipline counts a hell lot as well as complete domination and control of the matter at hand. the meaning behind all this? its easily within my capability as long as i study hard, and i chase dreams to the very end of the road. this decides what i'm going to be next time, either the jaded and narrow minded NUS graduate staring at a job that will never prosper and who becomes jealous and backstab-ish because he is forever rooted to the island an example my Mother often mentions - yes now you know where all the anti-attitudes come from, or a graduate branded with names of great instituitions like Chinese High, Raffles, and hopefully Columbia to his credit, living it up as a citizen of the world. this is a dream i will not relinquish - never, even if its not Columbia, it'll be New York, or worse come to worst UBC.the time for talking, planning and thinking has come to pass. it is time to fight which is what life is all about.