well i was reading the South China Morning Post when i came across an interesting article - 'Singapore Scholar caught in illegal DVD trade in Beijing' for the benefit of those who don't know ( this is going out especially to my ex classmates from 2A01A )

its shocking that people like you read my blog. according to the first ammendment of the constituition i have rights to the freedom of speech.

i think my gym's improving. getting some pretty good lifts these days. maybe next week i'll try body weight power cleans. haha. i sound damn jock. but anyway thursday as usual. chill out with the guys. went with yiwankz to buy his K750i - indecisive ass can't even decide what phone he want at the start, talked to lum about university in the states and money. yes. we saw freaking WONG LI LIN - she is damn HOT. caught Four Brothers with em plus joseph. its quite an awesome show, unlike what alex ong told us just before we went in.

ok now i must not procrastinate anymore. United States history beckons.

ok so i was kinda tipsy and started quoting shakespeare that night at zouk. now i am not tipsy but here's a tribute.

love's a smoke made with the fume of sighs,
being vexed,a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes,
being purged, a sea nourished with lovers' tears
what is it else? a a madness most discreet
a choking gall, a preserving sweet.

R&J

Henri Winterman and Yeap Yiwen

after sandwiches, ice cream and iced coffee on a blistering 'heat-stroke' standard monday afternoon - there needs to be some digs & kicks as Kerouac would put it. to us its just called 'fun stuff.' while the 3 of em were huffing and puffing on their fags, we ventured out in search of better things (since we don't smoke cigarettes) - and found them. a nice bright red pack of Henri Winterman's. the cigars come in nice wrappers that make them look like those cracker-esque things you play with at Christmas. but anyway according to allaboutcigars.com and yiwen, cigars are healthy and hence there shouldn't be a SMOKING KILLS with an ugly looking dying fella on the cover of the packet of Henri Winterman's half Corona cigars we bought from Cold Storage gourmet. borrowing a pencil, he proceeded to disfigure the poor fella on the cover in a ravaged frenzy. Henri Winterman - is rather budget - compared to Cohiba Panatelas. Yiwen - is the fun guy - as long as you don't insult his smokes.

its just another one of those ' i don't feel like i belong here ' emotions. i was just wondering, maybe i'll feel at home on an icy Parisian winter night walking along the closed boutiques of the Champs Elysees by myself, sipping on some whiskey.maybe when it burns its way down the throat, all the way to the stomach - i will remember the warmth of the many friends i have back on some tiny tropical island, realize my mistake and go home. but what if i do find peace in the solitude of the night of a foreign land - all alone - what then?

by the way, weiming is slutty and bhb, assuming that 'be nice and friendly like a -ahem- certain someone' is refering to himself. yes it is, but you are still such a dick - sigh. i think that is why i am such great pals with you. back to the game plan.

Living in the now.

an eye lid slowly lifted. argh. fucking alarm clock. slams the phone. takes a piss. goes back to sleep. ringing phone. OH HOLY FUCK. its DINGREN or SIJIE... runs out of the house without even putting on contact lenses. hops on a cab and speeds to training. brutal session. many casualties. sherman went to gleneagles to see johnny's father after getting his nose smashed. before getting off the cab was the last time the Nokia 3120 was in a normal condition. johnny chang's SUV runs over my bag crushing the shrum phone. OH WHAT THE FUCK ........ see sherman at gleneagles with other bukit panjang people- end up eating 7 dollar Nasi Lemak ( yes i know don't comment )

chill out around town looking for a replacement phone. goes home. sleeps.


















but it is not the end... 9pm. phone rings. sherman DTI - chia's last night out to chiong you better come. chia ends up going home to eat grandmother's curry chicken. indochine after much debate and hassle. saw leona too. after so many months.doing the fun things again. this time with the juniors. this has been a crazy day. overpaid again. 10 dollars for EVIAN mineral water. ( once again, do not comment ) till we meet again. maybe you'll oblige me then. tomorrow i must go and try to pluck 10 dollar bills from trees.

Lookin' back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed.

It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away.

Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're startin' to sing's
So fine.

All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry.

Just like before
It's yesterday once more.

You're Beautiful

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful.
But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you.

i saw her get up the bus on the way to town, she couldn't have been more than 16 or 17, caucasian, brown hair, stunning eyes and a mesmerizing smile - looks kinda like j.garner.so i wondered maybe i should gather some guts to go talk to her - i mean i could get lucky - but by the time i had an idea she was already off the bus. sigh. why..... think i ought to fix my bod first. its in a very shrum looking state.

after the chaos of the last week at least i have been able to sort myself out completely - knowing what's important and what i love, knowing there's a time and place for everything, knowing there are those out there who care, knowing what i need. stability in the now and not pitching everything on distant dreams - on some fine day it will come.but to live in the future is to neglect all the joys and pleasures that can be found in the present.to be found on the open green field - yes field not fields - and amongst those who stand by you, whoever they are where-ever they might be.

maybe someday someone like a younger version of jen. garner, keira knightley,kate beckinsale (yes i am not for blondes) will just walk into my life and just sweep me off my feet completely - maybe then i would have found someone who will make me whole and stable. till then i'll just cling on to the ball. till then i'll keep dancing by myself in the rain.

stepping back into the fray. rise to the challenge.

and he told me to be thankful and appreciative of what i have and even what i have not. but everytime i read the books, the magazines, watch the movies, listen to the songs about the big world out there beyond this island i wonder when i will see all that is out there. surfing in Bali, diving in the Bahamas, gambling in Monte Carlo, watching soccer in the Nou Camp,Anfield,Stamford Bridge,San Siro, rugby in Pretoria, Dunedin, HongKong, Dubai, drama on Broadway, skiing in the Alps. i'm just so bored of what little Singapore has to offer and even though the grass might seem greener on the other side there is really nothing wrong if checking to see if it really is. after all these years, at the end of 2006 i will finally break free from the chains that have shackled and galled me for so many years, embrace my independence, fulfill my destiny.

eh guys here there is no fun stuff !!!!!!!! don't come here looking for fun stuff and entertainment !!!!!!

on another point, tonight was fun. eat free food, talk cock, drink free booze.

time to crash.

romeo:i dreamt a dream last night.
mercutio: and so did i.
romeo: and what was yours?
mercutio: that dreamers often lie.

by my head, here come the capulets.
by my heel, i care not.

and after shutting myself up at home over the weekend i have had no new epiphanies or damascene moments to speak of - except this: i will be happy in life if i am a decent rugby player, surfer, investment banker and happily married - which doesn't count as much of an epiphany.

of which i am only close to achieving one of the above goals and far from achieving the other three.

i want to go to college because i don't have enough cash to enjoy this life i currently have.

its more than just the burgers... our parents came to this country escaping persecution, poverty and hunger. hunger harold, they were very very hungry. they wanted to live in a land that treated them as equals, a land filled with hamburgers. and not just one type of hamburger ok, hundreds of types with different sizes toppings and condiments, that land was America. America, Harold, America. now this is about achieving what our parents set out for, this is about the pursuit of happiness. this night - is about the American dream. dude we can stay here get arrested and end our hopes of ever getting to White Castle, or we can take that hang glider and make our leap towards freedom. i leave that decision up to you. - I hate you Kumar.

its a good show. haha.

i hereby swear off the god damn mother fucking kampong fishes with many bones and little meat ( except ikan bilis )i will only eat fish that comes in a steak, in a fillet or in a can. tuesday night dinner, Assam fish at home, bone got stuck and its been lodged there till NOW. i just came back from the doctor with elisha and even doc couldn't find the damn bone.i swear its there, its cutting me. seriously it just ain't worth eating those kind of fucking pathetic fishes. think wednesday and thursday night dinners. tony roma's ribs with the j2s to celebrate zac's birthday and chicken rice tonight. both i get lots of meat and high amounts of satisfaction from little health hazard and effort to dig out bones. but ikan whatever motherfucker name it is sucks.

get it out. please. ALL SUGGESTIONS WELCOME. i've tried the bread, the water, the lumps of rice, lumps of fruit, toothbrush or finger down the throat ( which i gagged on and puked many times )methods

fuck. no way am i gonna eat that kind of fish again.

its what we make it out to be

gonna go run early tomorrow morning. for all we know, september might just be a better month...

oh check out today's NEWPAPER. singapore kids studying overseas engage in some D & D.
yeah man. Decadence and Debauchery. apart from the drug abuse and gambling issue i really don't see what is wrong with everything else. but that ain't my point. our scholars are drug abusers and gamblers! woe to us and our sad motherland! the next prime minister might be a drug user or an addicted gambler! worse a tranny.

my logic is, -ahem- ( drum roll please )... stress. yes, as the rj forwards would know the classic phrase from the millenia game last year "stress la a levels." these people study too hard and do too much shit that they aren't really interested in to get the scholarships so when they get over there they just LET LOOSE. sheltered, they do not know the chaos of the world. probably never ever stepped in Zouk or China Black before in their whole life. maybe never even had a shot of vodka EVER.let alone scotch or gin. maybe never ever smelt the whiff of a cigarette before. don't even need to mention cigar. never been exposed to the chaos of reality, they succumb to the chaos of reality when they have so much freedom they don't know what to do with it.

so parents do not cloister your children. let em out into the world but keep a lease ( my parents' lease is really really long and i can say the same for many of my friends ) or else you'll end up with kids that aren't even sure of whether they're male or female. yes add to the already huge population of ladies with large hands, unusually deep voices and even more unusual amounts of facial hair. hur hur.

on the other hand, there are fun things to be done. yiwankz wants to go drinking. zac's belated birthday celebrations ( probably at some club ), gabriel's return from bruneian hell celebrations ( when he does return ). september looks to be a fun month ahead. of course throw in some beating up of arrogant expat forwards.

summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last... its been really crazy and difficult trying to lead a double life. goodbye. each time you all leave it just adds that little bit more steel into my spirit, that little bit more hope that i'm creeping there as the days go by.till next time, goodbye. now the fun's over, steel yourself and focus.